Normal anxious mother.
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There are no or practically no innate fears in children — all the main types of fears are acquired by children and adults in the process of life. Fears and anxiety sometimes come to our souls on their own, but for some they do not take root for a long time, but somewhere they turn out to be welcome guests. The experience of fear can be attractive for both children and adults, both in a game and in a serious version.
Pay attention to their fears and tend to experience them — mostly women. Women are more likely than men to be afraid, and are more likely to attribute fear to others↑.
More often, however, fears and anxiety are the result of social learning. Parents teach children to be afraid, children play fears on their own, people begin to be afraid of something when there is some benefit and interest in it. Anxious children are raised by anxious parents.
The anxiety of one is easily transmitted like a virus to another. Anxious parents are more likely to have anxious, insecure children. Watch the video «Normal Anxious Mom» from the movie «Chocolate».
Anxious children are taught to behave in an anxious manner and are reinforced in anxiety because anxious children have their own bonuses and intrinsic benefits. Over time, anxiety becomes not only a bad habit, but a natural way of life with its own social trappings, its own circle of friends and interests, supported by its books and its columns in the media. Psychologists themselves also contribute to the formation of fears and anxiety↑. Anxiety is imprinted in the body, becoming at first a functional, and later an anatomical negative.
Origins of anxiety
The causes and sources of fear are many and varied. Most often you can talk about the following:
- Patterned thinking, following negative cultural stereotypes,
- Education on negative patterns,
- Intrinsic benefit — such as avoidance of responsibility and the convenience of being in the position of the Victim.
It is useful for a specialist to understand the sources of anxiety. If the one who is in fears and anxieties starts doing it himself, it does not lead to anything good. See self-digging
Instead of delving into your fears, it’s better to:
- contact a good specialist (psychologist or psychotherapist),
- undergo a good psychological training that develops contact, responsibility and self-confidence,
- start working with yourself on your own, but competently. See How to work on yourself.
Teaching fear in children
Children have fears like phobias that arise suddenly and involuntarily, but such fears in children are hardly more than 5%. Most children’s fears are the result of learning, when children, on their own initiative, with the help of parents, friends, films and the media, learn to be afraid and soon become skilled in being afraid. See →
Using Anxiety
Anxiety is a childish version of mental protection. The one who is anxious, thereby shows his anxiety and that he is already feeling bad (he is already punished by his own anxiety), therefore, in case of failure, there will be fewer accusations against him (such as: “Here, I didn’t prepare for the exam! …”) As an emotion defensive type, anxiety is mastered by children when they begin to impose expectations on the child for independent preparation — that is, usually from the elementary grades of school.
In addition to the function of mental protection, anxiety works as a way of negative self-motivation. Worrying, she reminds that something still needs to be done. Accordingly, if a child is completely irresponsible, then mild and moderate anxiety is useful for him, it makes him worry at least about something. However, if the anxiety becomes high, it interferes with thinking and reduces results. In this case, anxiety is already a hindrance, but here it often serves as an explanation: “I flunked the exam because I was very anxious and could not concentrate!” Everything, the explanation of failure by increased anxiety removes responsibility for failure.