I wrote this letter for a kind, but helpless before the laziness and arrogance of the mother’s son, a 14-year-old teenager. The problem is obvious. She tried to write it herself, but the letter did not sound convincing in her performance. If anyone wants to use this letter as a template for similar situations, please note that the letter itself means little. Any teenager will definitely check: is this letter serious? But will mom really do all this and won’t let her drink? Therefore, the letter should be accompanied by the help of a specialist psychologist who will support and advise the mother, and, if necessary, speak convincingly with her son.
In short, ask for help if you need it.
So the letter:
Sasha, first about the simplest things.
I wanted you to be born — and I did it with joy. I took care of you for hours, days and years — and I did it with love for you. I plan to continue to take care of your future because I love you. And at least for that reason, you don’t have to treat me like a pig.
Yes, sometimes I want to hear from you the words: “Thank you, mom!”, But now I’m not talking about gratitude: I insist on respect for me and on cooperation between us, between you and me. What is cooperation? Cooperation means we take care of you together, we both need it. And if I care about you, and you don’t want it like that and protest, this is not cooperation.
If we are together, we will make your quality future. You will be respected, you will have money, you will have a status job, love, family — whatever you want. And if you want to fight with me … Think about whether you want to fight with me. I’m specifically angry with you, you’re behaving disgustingly, I’m putting up with it for now, but I don’t want to endure it for a long time. I suggest that you do without military operations, the joy in our lives will definitely not increase from this.
What do I need from you now?
First and foremost, discuss with me the list of your duties around the house. It is clear that after discussion and acceptance, you will carry them out without being reminded.
Second: discuss with me the amount you receive for pocket expenses, and do not ask for more than agreed.
Third: if I seriously asked you for something, you do it, and do not argue. And also you don’t merge, you don’t pretend to be unhappy and you don’t spoil my nerves. Moreover, you don’t argue and don’t go.e.sh, I definitely won’t tolerate this.
Immediately — if you and I do not agree on all this or if you violate this, I will fine you absolutely seriously and not childishly. This will also be your preparation for life, because in a few years life will punish you for your gouging instead of me. Life is tougher than any parent — remember that.
Dad and I always give you a bunch of presents. Money, a phone, we pay for your classes … Actually, the fines will be that we will take these gifts back from you. Most likely, it will be in the following sequence: 1) I will take your phone away from you, 2) I will deprive you of home Thursday, 3) I will stop giving 100 USD to her. If you want to quarrel further, I will stop paying for guitar lessons, then Russian lessons, and then English … In short, I don’t even want to think about it.
There is a proposal not to bring this to a head and to resolve all issues peacefully. Please write me a letter with your decision. The term is a day. If you don’t, it’s war.