When you are angry, you want to punish. But in some cases it is impossible to punish, because, apart from the bad, nothing good will come of it. When or how to punish?
If possible, do not punish while eating: neither morality nor food will be assimilated. Do not punish before and after sleep: the beginning and end of the day set the overall color of life, and the color of life should be light. An unfortunate time for punishment is the process of playing or the time of doing homework: when a child is passionate about something or very busy, punishment is perceived only as an annoying hindrance that you want to quickly get out of your head.
You can’t punish when you’re very angry.
Anger prompts bad decisions. If necessary, you can pretend to be angry, but if you are beside yourself with anger, you should not be allowed near anyone. Until you have thought through the consequences of the punishment, have not felt how it will be perceived, the punishment will not give the desired effect. If there is the slightest doubt about your own actions, it is better to take a break, calm down and think it over.
You can not punish when the child is very ill without you.
If your son is very upset or angry, then your fairest words are likely to cause only anger, not understanding. As for small children, it is not necessary to severely punish the child when he is sick or not feeling well.
The daughter wanted to give her mother a gift — and lingered …
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You can not punish for mistakes when the child tries.
Awkwardness, inattention, fears and simply “forgotten” — all this can be punished if the child did not try, did not want to do everything well. And if you tried, then we don’t punish for mistakes. In no case should you punish for something that the child, in principle, with all the desire, cannot cope with. If the child is clumsy, why punish? If he is mobile, like a spinning top, then neither you nor he can cope with this at the same time. These moments are solved only gradually, and not by punishments.
You can not punish when the issue can be resolved in a kind way. First ask, explain or warn, most questions will be removed by this. Punishment without warning causes a protest: “For what?! Why? I did not know!»
It is impossible to punish when the punishment causes an internal protest. External protests for the appearance is one thing, but a real internal protest against punishment is another↑.
Interestingly, for many very young children and some wild animals, punishment does not work in principle, causing only protest: retaliatory aggression or running away. In order for the punishment to work, it must be accustomed to: present and explain it in such a way that the punishment is accepted.
Punishment has an effect only when the punished child inside agrees with him, at least understands him. Punishment that causes only protest in the soul is counterproductive. If the child is sincerely convinced that he is not to blame for what happened, then no matter what the adults think, the punishment will be ineffective. If it seems to the child that the punishment is completely unfair or too severe (“you can’t wear a belt for this!”), The punishment will only result in his anger. If a teenager is convinced that his stepfather has no right to punish him in principle, then ordinary punishments will really not work.
Do not rush to punish, hurry to think. Children tend to indulge, adults — to punish them. Who will be the first to stop?