How not to quarrel with your husband over money?

Before you start any financial activities, you need to figure out what attitude to money is characteristic of each family member. The partners have their own history behind them, their own parental family, in which there were certain rules, restrictions, attitudes towards money. What did the parents say? How did you behave? Perhaps they thought that money meant nothing or that they could only be earned through hard work?

If the parents spoiled the son, did not refuse him anything, then he will buy whatever he wants for himself, without looking at the list of products compiled by his wife. And if they limited everything, brought up in him the conviction that he does not deserve expensive things, that he needs to use “the simpler”, he will grow into an adult who will limit himself and others.

Partners with opposite financial attitudes pull the joint financial boat in different directions, as in Krylov’s fable «Swan, Cancer and Pike», and this harms the family budget and well-being.

So, one cannot do without talking about how each of the spouses lived in childhood, what parents said, what proverbs and sayings were used when talking about money. It is necessary to understand whether these scenarios coincide or differ (how much and in what way) — perhaps this is the root of family quarrels and misunderstandings. By discussing this, you will recognize the manifestations of basic scenarios in your behavior and your partner’s.

On the importance of financial planning

The basis of harmonious coexistence in any family is the ability to negotiate, and a financial plan drawn up by common efforts will be a clear result of your willingness to build the future together, because it must take into account the interests of both. If you dream of a larger apartment, and your husband wants an expensive car, you need to prioritize and find a compromise.

To get started, make a plan for six months. What major purchases do you want and are financially ready to make in the next : months? It is important that both express their wishes in advance — then you can figure out together how to implement them, and buying a fur coat will not be an unpleasant surprise for your husband.

The plan will be more effective and visual if you understand what is the share of each expense item (food, accommodation, transport, gifts, communications) in the family budget for a month, the more accurate, the better.

Cost accounting — above all

The main thing is not only to make a plan, but also to stick to it. This will help track expenses: you can keep it in a notebook, an Excel spreadsheet, or using mobile applications that allow you to create a spending plan and track its implementation. This will help to understand where and what the money “goes” to, and, if necessary, change some financial habits.

Of course, no one is immune from spontaneous spending, and in addition, each partner should have an amount for personal expenses. It doesn’t matter if your heel is broken, if you need a new bag, or just decided to treat yourself to a new perfume, you should have an amount that you can spend without consulting your husband (even if you are on maternity leave or not working at the moment).

It is important to spend money consciously. We often “treat” stress with shopping, go to the store when we are sad or anxious. But can a cake, a dress, a fur coat, or a diamond ring close the «mental hole»? Maybe you should look for a source of joy outside the mall? For example, go with your husband and children to the planetarium to admire the starry sky or go for mushrooms in the forest for the whole day, have a picnic in a clearing. Or invite a partner on a real date — with flowers, a walk in the park in the light of lanterns. Most likely, this will give you more vivid emotions than the most long-awaited purchase.

Returning to the issue of personal expenses: it is important that both of you are comfortable using the family budget. If you have to ask for a separate request for every trip to the store and purchase of tights, this will infuriate anyone. You can link both cards: yours and your husband’s to one account. Or agree with a partner that he would give you a certain amount at once for a week. Whichever option you choose, the main thing is that you both feel comfortable.

And the whole world is not enough

One of the most common causes of quarrels is the level of income. The options may be different: a woman does not work, earns little, or, on the contrary, gets more of a partner. Let’s take a closer look at the last case.

In a relationship, partners adjust to each other, so if you have chosen the role of strong, self-sufficient and independent, then your husband has no reason to be strong — you do everything yourself. So if you are worried that your spouse earns little, and you have to provide for your family, then you will have to change yourself, not your husband. You have to motivate him to become strong and take responsibility for the family.

It is also important to keep track of those moments when we express love, especially for children, with gifts. Do we equate love with money in such cases?

“Look what an expensive doll your grandmother gave you. It’s because she loves you so much!

— My father and I do everything for you: we bought you a computer and a guitar!

At such moments, we form in children an understanding that the love, attention and care of loved ones are manifested in material gifts, purchases. Are these really the attitudes that you want to pass on to children? Children will take your scripts of behavior with them into adulthood. Think about what rules you live by and whether they should be changed a little right now.