How not to lose yourself in a relationship

When we start a new relationship, the experiences can be so strong that it seems like we have never experienced anything like this and finally found our soul mate.

We enter into relationships as independent individuals. However, this relationship and our partner can take such an important place in our lives that the relationship will already begin to define our personality. Unfortunately, some people want to please their partner so much that they forget about themselves. Everyone has an inner need to do something nice for those we love and give what they need, but you need to remember your needs too.

The desire to be the perfect complement to your partner is understandable, as long as our individuality is not sacrificed in the process. It is not always easy to find and maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, but it is still very important not to forget about your personality and your interests.

In order for a relationship to grow and develop, it is important that both partners have an idea of ​​“me in the relationship” and an idea of ​​themselves that is independent of the relationship. A few tips to keep your personality in a relationship.

What to do:

1. Do not give up hobbies and things that interest you, even if your partner does not share these interests

Often people abandon their hobbies that their partner does not share. However, healthy relationships are built on both similarities and differences, which allows partners to have common interests while maintaining their individual hobbies.

2. Meet up with friends and family – with or without a partner

It’s always good if your friends and family like your partner, but you should sometimes communicate with them without him. They will often act differently when your partner is around you. For example, your best friend, who is usually so cheerful and “crazy”, can follow his every word in the presence of your partner, trying to be as “politically correct” as possible.

3. Maintain long-standing passions and interests of a partner

It is important not only not to give up your hobbies and hobbies, but also to encourage your partner not to give up his own. When both partners have individual needs, they have a healthy desire to add something to the relationship, and not just take from them what they themselves lack.

4. Express needs and desires that your partner doesn’t share.

It is important that both partners have their own needs and fulfill them, so they will put something of their own into the relationship. Many people think that relationships require compromise – the suppression of their own desires and needs, but this is not so. Most of us mistakenly believe that giving up all or part of our desires and needs will help keep a relationship going, but their very fear of losing a partner shows that there are some obvious problems in their relationship.

5. Don’t let relationships define your self-image

It is important to avoid situations where you cannot imagine yourself outside of your relationship with your partner.

6. Don’t be afraid to do personal things without a partner

You don’t have to tell your partner every minute what you’re doing right now. And when you spend time apart from each other, you should not constantly call up and correspond.

7. Try something new that interests you, even if your partner does not share this interest.

Try to be open to new things. To maintain a healthy sense of self, it is important to be sure that you can try new things without sacrificing your core values, interests, and tastes. It’s perfectly normal to want to share your partner’s interests and hobbies, but for your personal growth, you need to have your own hobbies. Of course, you should at least try what he or she likes, but if it turns out that this is “not yours”, you can always return to the hobby.

What not to do:

1. Allow relationships to change your perception of yourself and your own accomplishments.

Our personality is determined by our strengths and achievements – in school, in work, in spiritual growth, and these achievements are only yours.

2. Become too dependent on a relationship or partner

Relationships do not relieve you of the responsibility for taking care of yourself and your feelings. By overcoming difficulties on your own, you cultivate strength and resilience in yourself.

3. Talk endlessly about your partner and relationship

When we are happy (and often when we are unhappy), we want to share our joys and sorrows with those closest to us. No matter how much you want to tell them about what is happening in your personal life, it is better to refrain from this, because once the words spoken can no longer be taken back and, for example, telling friends and relatives something bad about your partner (if, of course, , not talking about domestic violence), you involve them in your personal relationships.

4. Ignore relationships with other people

All kinds of relationships are important for our growth and development – family, social and love. Healthy love relationships always allow partners to devote time, attention and care not only to each other, but also to friends and relatives.

5. Move quickly from one relationship to another

You should not immediately look for a new partner after breaking up. It is important to first go through the grief of parting, deal with our feelings and decide who we are in ourselves, in addition to relationships. Don’t use relationships as an excuse not to take care of yourself, your flaws, and your personal growth.

About the Expert: Tarra Bates-Dufort is a psychologist and psychotherapist who specializes in family issues and working with psychological trauma.