An ordinary day, you are doing business, and suddenly something unexpected and unpleasant happens — a ticket is issued for improper parking or you find out that the authorities have removed you from an interesting project. The mood immediately deteriorates, consciousness is filled with a continuous stream of negative thoughts. Whatever happens next, the day is already ruined. How to deal with it?
If the situation is familiar to you, you are not alone. Psychologist Lynn Zachary says that depressed mood after unpleasant events is typical: “We get stuck thinking over and over again about things that are out of our control, unpleasant. Sometimes a trifle can spoil the mood — for example, if a friend answers our messages with a one-syllable «ok». But these little things take up a lot of space in my thoughts.
Why is this happening?
Clinical psychologist Josh Klapow, co-host of The Network, says we tend to associate negative experiences with situations in which we «lose something, get rejected, get rejected, threatened, or hit on our ‘vulnerabilities.’
Evolution has designed our brains in such a way that we always tend to look for negatives everywhere in order to know in advance how to protect ourselves from them. “But the more we think about how to avoid possible trouble, the more we train our brains to always look for a negative explanation for any situation first, and only then a positive one,” Klapow says.
This phenomenon is called negativity bias. This means that unpleasant events usually have a stronger effect on our psychological state than pleasant ones. Negative thinking can give a “domino effect”, and as a result, after experiencing trouble, we begin to look at the world as if through a black filter of negative emotions — fear, longing, guilt, anger.
“As a result, we will most likely also evaluate subsequent situations through this filter and thus fall into a vicious circle. Negative thinking becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Klapow says.
Such an experience is familiar to everyone and to some extent inevitable, but we can try to get into a vicious circle less often: “We are not always able to improve a depressed mood after an accident by an effort of will. But it depends only on us how long the longing lasts and how we decide to interpret the situation, ”explains the psychologist.
How to return to normal?
There are several strategies to help you avoid falling into the vicious cycle of negative thinking.
1. Watch your emotions. “Remember that after one event, you will be tempted to perceive what is happening in a negative light,” Klapow says. Therefore, she must learn to react in such a way as not to succumb to such feelings. First, acknowledge your emotions. “It’s okay to say to yourself – I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m scared, I’m unhappy,” Klapow explains. Do not try to suppress emotions, do not let them consume you, observe from the side. “Let you wonder why you feel this way. Speak to yourself everything that happens, describe the experience and ask yourself what lesson you have learned, ”advises the psychologist.
2. Remind yourself that you may have misinterpreted the situation. Simon Rego, chief psychologist at Montefiori Medical Center in New York, says we tend to view neutral situations as negative. This is a kind of thought distortion: the brain seems to inspire us with false ideas and thereby reinforce negative thoughts.
The more you practice critically evaluating reactions, the easier it will be to control them.
For example, if your boss pulled you off a major project, instead of asking what the matter was, you might just conclude that you are incompetent. According to Rego, other such distortions of thought are common — overgeneralization, black-and-white thinking, attempts to predict the future or guess the thoughts of others, devaluation, and too personal attitude to what is happening. At the same time, the psychologist reminds that negative thinking is not always undesirable — sometimes it corresponds to the situation. Critically evaluate your behavior to understand why you think so. “By becoming aware of our tendency to negative thinking, we can learn to perceive what is happening more objectively and rationally.”
First of all, admit that you are misjudging situations. After that, rethink the thought patterns and try to find an alternative to them. “Ask yourself: “What else could it be? What advice would I give to a friend in this situation? What is the best scenario for the development of events? These questions will help you look at what happened from a different angle.” The more you practice critically assessing your own reactions, the easier it will be to control and correct them in the right direction.
3. Focus on the facts. If you are psychologically overwhelmed, unable to cope with a stressful situation, the exercise will allow you to evaluate what is happening. Fold a sheet of paper in half, and on the left side, write down all the undeniable facts about the unpleasant situation. Then, on the right side, describe your worries, fears, and unfounded assumptions and hunches. Then turn your attention back to the hard facts.
Just like the previous practice (critical assessment of thinking distortions), the exercise will help you look at what is happening soberly and rationally, without succumbing to emotions. «Take back control of the situation, don’t let it control you,» Zachary says.
4. Practice positive thinking. To better learn how to control emotional reactions, one must not only be able to dispel negative thoughts, but also consciously try to think positively. Klapow recommends that every evening, write down on a piece of paper three positive events from the past day, even if it’s nothing. Also try to find reasons why everything went well — for example, if you got a promotion at work, most likely it was due to perseverance and hard work. According to Klapow, you should force yourself to think positively at least once a day. “Over time, this will help ease the pessimism a bit. You could call it learned optimism,” he explains.
By switching your mind to an interesting activity or helping others, you are more likely to get rid of negative experiences.
5. Get less introverted. Sometimes the best way to get out of your worries about what happened is to switch to something else. Dive into work or creativity, go for a run, call a friend to see how they are doing, offer to help a colleague, friend or relative with some business. By switching your mind to an interesting activity or helping others, you will soon get rid of negative experiences and will be able to look at what you have experienced from a different perspective.
6. Assess your situation. Each of us sometimes gets trapped in negative thinking, but we need to assess the situation to see if there are more serious problems. “If you experience emotional discomfort very often or experience it especially acutely, if stress interferes with social and family life, creates problems at work, does not allow you to fully live, it may be worth consulting with a professional psychologist,” advises Rego.
Source: Huffington Post