Friends, let’s clarify the concepts.
A relationship where there is support, understanding, acceptance of our characteristics is a healthy relationship.
Unhealthy relationships — where there are reproaches, in which they always poke their noses at some kind of our mistake or failure. Even if they cover it up with a joke, the essence of the matter does not change — they hurt us, they poke their nose into our thin places.
For example, let’s take female pain points: the girl did not create a couple, she is alone … / she is after a divorce .. / she cannot move up the career ladder …
And here is a person who stuffs himself into friends or lovers, suddenly says jokingly: “well, ha ha, now I understand why you are divorced … / why you are single … / why a career does not shine for you …” Joking!
As soon as we hear such «support», such funny jokes on a topic that is not fun for us, our main task is to follow the Queen’s rule: do not argue, do not blame, do not snap, do not be offended, do not explain!
As soon as we enter into a discussion with the «joker» — we lost! They allowed another to evaluate us, and even negatively.
How will such people, who seek to evaluate, proceed further?
They will continue to train us.
Only now they will give us a positive assessment somewhere … they will feed us … And we smiled in response))) Great, they will quickly throw something up again, some kind of funny collision … What if you start making excuses?
And off we go … As soon as we allowed such a strategy to cute «jokers», they immediately begin to pump us on an adrenaline-dopamine swing, play either «cold» or «hot»: either you are the best, or the worst. Filthy game! Because we will then climb out of the skin for every barb, so that the person “changes his mind” and again tells us how good and wonderful we are. He stroked us with his assessment. Then he will beat, then he will stroke, then he will beat, then he will stroke!
But no one will play this game with us unless we give permission!
Therefore, as soon as such games begin with you: you should smile calmly, calmly look into the eyes of this person and move away — stop communicating with him. Do not strive to prove that I am good, stroke me, but multiply the words of this person by zero. They flew past you. The goals were not reached. Don’t hurt!
To stop communication is to say nothing in response, not to give out any reactions. Calm, just calm.
You should never make excuses. Never! As soon as you want … they took water in their mouths and moved away. As soon as you feel like it, you are fighting for an assessment, begging for a positive one. We don’t ask for anything! We do not allow ourselves to be judged!
To do this, I repeat once again, the main thing is that you do not have the habit of making excuses. If it is not, then you will never get into an unhealthy relationship!