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Are we good enough to recognize the threat? After all, dangers can lie in wait for us everywhere. The Security Advisor provides some valuable tips on how to increase your vigilance.
Gavin de Becker is one of the leading security experts in the US. In his new book, The Gift of Fear: How to Recognize and Respond to Danger, he argues that more often than not, our intuition tells us that something is not right in our environment. But we don’t listen to her. How to increase vigilance? Here are some of the tips he gives.
Don’t be afraid to appear unfriendly
We try to be nice, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, this feature is often exploited by attackers. They choose as their victim who is most likely to play their game by their rules. Their strategy is not to scare the victim, but to win him over and lull his vigilance.
They are guided by a “loophole” in our defense system: the closer we let a stranger in, the more difficult it is to step back and return to the “fighting stance” at the moment of danger. Therefore, it is especially important to recognize the danger in the initial phase of contact.
Gavin de Becker gives an example of such a situation: a man on an airplane is talking to a young girl. At first, he grabs her attention with a phrase that seems to be addressed to the void (“These headphones are not loud enough”). She drew attention to him, and he, as if justifying himself for this, told her his name and held out his hand.
The girl instinctively shook it, and he held her hand in his. He then confessed that he hated getting home alone. The girl responded — in fact, no one meets her either. Then he complimented her: «You remind me of a friend of mine — you also look more like a grown woman than a teenager.» Finally, he invited her to sip whiskey from a glass. Again — as if by chance, as a gesture of hospitality.
How does this scheme work? First, there is a rapprochement, then a forced unification into a team (no one meets them both, they are “in the same boat”). Then the attacker forces the potential victim to return his ostentatious kindness, becoming in a position of strength: the one who praises demonstrates his right to evaluate the other. And the fact that the victim accepts the offered glass reinforces his role as a strong one. Protections weaken, and it will be more difficult to refuse further: for example, if a stranger offers to take a taxi together and walk home.
Notice the details, build the picture
Becker compares predicting human behavior to recognizing a play from multiple cues. How the character will behave in the next scene will correspond to his perception of the situation.
For most of us, getting fired, breaking up a relationship, or even a nasty magazine column will not be a reason to call a former boss with threats, stalk an ungrateful partner, or stand guard in the stairwell of a hated author. But the logic of psychopaths is different.
In Robert Hare’s book Without Conscience, the character traits of such people are given. They are impulsive, frivolous, do not know how to analyze their thoughts and feelings, do not feel guilty and responsible for their actions, need attention, quickly get rid of negative emotions.
What will such a person do if he is reprimanded at work? And if next to him someone starts to criticize the views that he holds?
De Becker reminds us that there is always a trend in human behavior. Each step is preceded by another step. If the act of a colleague or acquaintance has already alerted us, this is an occasion to take a closer look at it.
Apply the «Rule of Opposites»
If we mistook any doorbell call for a burglar’s ploy, and the approach of a bystander for an attempted robbery, we would have a hard life. In ordinary life, we are much more likely to encounter neutral situations: a neighbor who needs a screwdriver is standing outside the door, a candidate for municipal deputies or a courier who has the wrong door. And the passer-by, obviously, just got lost.
But the habit of seeing good intentions in the actions of others can work against us and hide the truly warning signs at a key moment.
De Becker gives this example: a stranger approaches a woman in an underground parking lot and offers to load her purchases into the trunk. Who is he? A member of a charity that patrols underground parking lots looking for those who need help? The owner of a supermarket chain who advertises his company in such an original way? Or a guy with dubious intentions who waited for the right moment to leave her defenseless and confused?
The more we wait, collecting evidence for the worst-case scenario, the more likely it is that when there is enough evidence, there is nothing we can do.
De Becker calls this approach the “rule of opposites”: if a person’s behavior causes the slightest suspicion, take the worst option and put its opposite next to it.
Do not be afraid to bring the forecast to the point of absurdity. Trust your intuition and figure out which of the possibilities seems the most ridiculous — if the other is closer to the truth, it is better to take action in advance. For example, groping for a pepper spray in a bag, shouting loudly, or opening a milk carton from which you can splash a robber or rapist in the face.
Study the behavior of the aggressor
Fear can cloud the mind and make us easy prey for those who count on it. Most people have never experienced threats and blackmail, so we get lost when we come into contact with the aggressor. Remember the scene from the movie «Terminator», where the killer cyborg notices the heroine and runs after her with a motionless face, scattering passers-by and sweeping away obstacles. This is a powerful, mesmerizing image.
But the real blackmailers and maniacs are real people. They expect success and fear failure. De Becker has worked extensively with powerful businessmen and well-known artists who receive threats.
One of the behavior strategies that he offers to clients is to force the blackmailer to admit his baseness, to go on the defensive. Such people are often afraid to show aggression openly, shifting responsibility for their actions to the victim: “she brought me down”, “you hate ordinary people like me”, “your shamelessness will come to you sideways”.
“When a threat contains indirect or veiled indications of what can be done, it is better to ask directly: “What do you mean by this?” De Becker advises.
By forcing a person to make excuses, you become in a position of strength, seize the initiative
Another important point: those who threaten anonymously most often do not want to draw attention to themselves. It is important for them to let off steam, pour out their anger, but go unpunished.
Much more dangerous are those who speak openly about their intentions. The police and would-be victims themselves often take such statements lightly: «This guy will never do anything — he wrote his name.» And they make a mistake. They lose sight of the fact that the attacker is not trying to avoid arrest.
His goal is to become a celebrity, get into the news bulletins, gain a million views on the Internet. In this case, he will not guard his target at the entrance or make his way through the back door. He will act as theatrically as possible, preferably in front of the cameras.
Use the RICE Method
It is impossible to predict all risks. Even the most experienced intelligence agencies do not have the gift of foresight — otherwise the world would not have had terrorist attacks, political assassinations or mail hacks. However, we can reduce the risks by evaluating our security.
Becker suggests using a method that he calls RICE — in the first letters of the words reliability (reliability), importance (importance), cost (cost), effectiveness (efficiency).
Ask yourself a series of questions.
How reliable are your predictions about your own security? Are there those in your environment who can purposefully harm you? Are there those with whom it is better to be careful? Have you received signals that can be regarded as alarms, such as warnings or double entenders directed at you?
How important is it to you to avoid a bad outcome? For example, the likelihood of a burglary in your area may be low, but the need to avoid it makes the cost of installing locks reasonable.
Are you ready to spend extra money on a burglar alarm if the apartment does not contain secret documents or something incredibly valuable?
How effective is your security system? Have you considered what your actions will be in case of different incidents?
De Becker insists: don’t shy away from answering tough questions. Do not drive thoughts of danger away from you. Do not try to gloss over the threat or justify those who seem suspicious to you. Take time to think about possible threats.
The expert quotes Ingmar Bergman: “Imagine that I am throwing a spear into the darkness. This is my intuition. Now I must send an expedition into the jungle to find him. This is my intellect.»
Your spear is speculation about what might happen. Your expedition — forecasts of your own actions. The more sober and detailed they are, the more likely you are to avoid tragedy.