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This situation was told to me by the mother of the child, just to share and brag. They are proud of their child and the kind of parents they are.
So,
Misha is almost three years old. For half a year now, as he knows: if he wants to cry, it is possible, but only in such a way as not to interfere with adults. He already knows that it’s generally not accepted in their family to cry and scream, but if he wants it, he needs to go to another room and cry to himself in a special corner …
Everything is simple. Did you cry? Mom calmly says: “Misha, you cried and bother us. Go to your room and stand in your corner, where you can cry and you won’t disturb us. When you calm down, come to us!” Misha walks on his own, gets up on his own and leaves on his own … If he comes out prematurely, when the crying has not stopped yet, mom (or dad) reminds: “Misha, you haven’t calmed down yet, you need to stand still!”. Everything is good.
And here was an interesting situation. All relatives have been ready for such a pedagogical position for a long time, they help, and now Misha burst into tears while visiting his grandmother. And suddenly the grandmother decided to improvise, saying: “Misha, let me cry for you, and you calm down!” and started crying with him. Then something like a miracle happened: Misha’s crying stopped instantly, moreover, there was a feeling that all his tears had dried up instantly. But the fact is that Misha did not just calm down, he thought — and suddenly says: «Baba — in the corner!». Grandma did not expect such a turn of events, but she went into the corner, because the rules should be the same for everyone. She stood in the corner, cried, after a few minutes, still squishing, she left. The child carefully looked at the grandmother and said in a completely grown-up way: “Baba, you have not calmed down yet, you need to stand still!” — and pointed to the corner …
He seemed to be proud of himself. He has become quite an adult, he has already become the Keeper of the Rules!
Comments
I am clarifying. The family is beautiful, parenthood is conscious. They wanted a child, they waited, they love it — God forbid everyone to be such attentive parents! These are my distance students, they passed the “Good” exercise perfectly, they don’t have bad moods and they don’t break down on children. It’s true: they never fail.
“Go to the corner” is not a punishment in this family, but the right place for a normal thing: “cry”. Pee — in the toilet. Cry in a corner. Why in another room? — Because in a room where someone is talking and someone is crying, crying makes it noisy, it’s uncomfortable to talk and there should be one thing. As soon as the child stops crying and turns to his parents normally, without crying (that is, without pressure), they will immediately listen to him and do what is possible and reasonable.
“To regret” is not played here, here all people are reasonable and adults, and the child is treated as an adult, a respected member of a respected family. The child is cheerful, positive, contact with parents is excellent. He cries — rarely, although for three years — indeed, just then he began to try his parents for stability … You can call it a crisis.
What is the educational goal (long-range) pursued by the introduction of these rules?
There are many goals here. Behind this is a whole educational system, the name of which is the synton approach. First of all, the goal is to teach the child that there are rules in life. And to accustom to following the rules not as something external and oppressive, but internal and natural. The body has a spine, but life has rules.
So goals:
- To accustom the child to the fact that in the family he is not the main one, but the rules. By the way, see Rules for a child
- Teach your child that parents are people too, and you need to think about their convenience too.
- To teach the child to manage his emotions, to be able to stop his surging crying.
- Teach the child to clearly articulate what he wants so that others do not guess about it. If you want something, say it.
- To accustom the child to civilized forms of resolving disagreements. If you want something — say it, we’ll discuss it, but you can’t crush it with tears and emotions.
For starters, yes.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.