It is generally accepted that women experience the end of marriage more painfully than the representatives of the stronger sex. However, a growing body of research suggests that this is not entirely true. How to survive a divorce for a man?
Economists, psychologists and sociologists unanimously argue that the time has come to reconsider the consequences of divorce. For decades, it was believed that he plunged women into despondency and despair, while men feel happy almost the next day. They feel free and exhilarated even with empty pockets, as most of their money goes to ex-wives.
What is wrong with this model? First of all, the statement about empty pockets. A study by Professor Stephen Jenkins from the University of Essex (UK) shows that men after a divorce are better off than women.
Professor Jenkins explains this not as discrimination and not because men hide their income from their ex-wives. It’s just that in the overwhelming majority of cases, children after a divorce remain with their mothers, which reduces the chances of women finding a well-paid job. While men, on the contrary, have their hands untied, and they can earn at least around the clock.
Men are more likely to commit suicide after divorce than women.
However, this is the only good news for men. In all other respects, things are not brilliant. Research shows that men experience divorce more than women.
Thus, a survey conducted in Britain, which involved more than 3500 divorced men and women, found that 23% of men feel empty and depressed. Among women, these definitions were chosen by 20% of participants. On the other hand, 46% of women said they were experiencing a “liberation.” Only 37% of “liberated” men turned out to be.
And a study by psychologists at the University of California at Riverside (USA) paints a very bad picture. Based on ten years of observations, it was unequivocally established that men decide to commit suicide after a divorce much more often than women.
But what about stories about men who, after a breakup, indulge in all serious, constantly change partners and buy luxury sports cars? Or is it fiction of writers and directors? Not at all, psychologists say. On the contrary, this is just vivid evidence of how painfully men experience divorce.
The collapse of the family makes them feel inadequate as spouses and fathers. And if earlier these social roles were secondary for men, today they are no less important than any others. Therefore, divorce becomes a crushing blow to the male ego, which is very difficult to survive.
Travel, expensive purchases or a series of new partners for one night are just attempts by a man to prove to himself that he is still very cool. Attempts, alas, doomed. The loss of a family is comparable to any serious loss. And you can survive it only by going through five stages of mourning, formulated by psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
A visit to a psychotherapist and serious inner work will help in this much better than alcohol and promiscuity.