What does it mean to be a kind person? Do we show weakness by sympathizing with another? Where does strength manifest itself: in firmness of character or in openness and sensitivity?
Until now, sometimes I hear the once popular phrase that «good should be done with fists.» I wonder what it might look like? This line is from a poem by Stanislav Kunyaev, but he did not come up with it himself: he and other students of the literary institute suggested it as a topic for an exercise by the author of the famous «Grenada» poet Mikhail Svetlov. And it is no coincidence that it took root so: apparently, it corresponded to public moods. It was 1959, softness was associated with spinelessness, and fists were associated with determination.
Another slogan from the same series — «Pity humiliates a person» — is attributed to Maxim Gorky, although in fact it was not he who said it, but his hero, the drunken gambler Satin. And a little differently: “You have to respect a person! Do not pity … do not humiliate him with pity. The play «At the Bottom» was released in 1902, then it was staged and filmed many times.
For some reason, respect was forgotten, but humiliating pity was fixed. At the same time, I forgot that there is another pity — the ability to notice someone else’s pain, compassion, support. The one that is included in the concept of “good” and does not allow us to attack another even when we are completely sure that he is wrong.
We were deceived: acquiring fists, good ceases to be itself. Whoever cares about “so that wool flies in tufts from everyone who climbs for good,” as the same poem says, he is clearly not up to helping his neighbor.
… Once I had a grief — a loved one died. And I was struck by how few people even called me with words of sympathy. It was very sad to be left almost completely alone, with experiences that there was no one to share with. But it seemed that there were so many friends and acquaintances around! Were they afraid to humiliate me with their pity? Or have they atrophied their ability to express sympathy from long disuse?
According to my observations, many people have some kind of internal obstacle that prevents them from discovering, showing good feelings to others. And this is not the same as English restraint, for example. It is based on delicacy, the fear of interfering in the sovereign inner world of another.
We, pay attention, intervene often and sometimes quite unceremoniously, express our assessments where no one asked us. But with pity, tenderness, kindness, there are difficulties. They don’t get used to it.
Each of us has everything, any, feelings, I know this for sure. But we often notice the manifestations of some around us (remember, when was the last time you saw an irritated person? Probably not a year ago) and easily reproduce, while the manifestations of others have to be sought and collected, like rare flowers. Maybe it’s time to do exercises, to train to express joy, favor, care …
In order for the other to see and believe that we are kind, we need to unclench our fists and stretch out an open palm towards him.