Contents
Access to a huge amount of information, a course on self-development, feminism. All this led to the emergence of new trends in the sexual culture of modern society and … to new problems. What is the peculiarity of sex today? The sexologist-consultant tells.
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At all times, we have tried by trial and error to figure out how best to behave in relationships with the opposite sex – both in matters of sex and in building a family in general. Now it has become both easier and more difficult to figure it out.
It is more difficult because we have moved away from the usual pattern of behavior. And how to live with a new one, so that it suits both partners, is not yet clear.
What has changed in our time
Life
On the one hand, our society still encourages workaholism and achievement. On the other hand, he is overwhelmed by dependence on gadgets. Both take away from us time that we could devote to our partners. Yes, and our sexual energy is transformed into professional excitement.
Parenthood
In the XNUMXst century, a large number of child-centric families have appeared, headed by a child. Everything is subordinated to his interests: from the daily routine of the parents to the choice of their work or housing. In such families, adults are almost completely absorbed by their parental roles, and there is no strength, no time, no desire for marriage.
The image of a woman
- Behavior
Women in relationships with the opposite sex show less and less pronounced feminine behavior – soft, gentle, passive, compliant. Most prefer to “pump” in themselves confidence, energy, enterprise, purposefulness. In men, women encourage the manifestation of spiritual subtlety. And they admire a developed intellect much more than physical strength and dexterity.
- Appearance
In the 1990s and 2000s, flashy sexuality was in fashion: super-short skirts, bright makeup, an abundance of perfume. In the 2010s, she was replaced by emphasized femininity. But current trends do not always correspond to the usual idea of sexy and (or) feminine appearance: for example, women’s street fashion is more about unisex style and comfort than about the emphasized attractiveness of a woman.
- Attitude towards sex
If in the last century it was common for many women to remain silent about their desires and needs for sex, as well as to imitate an orgasm, now the situation has changed: women have become sexually freer and are much more likely to talk about what suits them and what does not.
How change has affected sex
Suppose, with different types of addiction and parenthood, everything is clear – they eat up our strength and time, so sex simply disappears from our lives. And what about women? Why is their new image so important in this matter?
The fact is that masculinity and femininity are of great importance for building harmonious relations between a man and a woman. Here are some examples of how reversing gender roles and changing behaviors can make partners’ sex lives more difficult.
Situation one:
A woman behaves assertively, imperiously, demandingly, and a man, on the contrary, is soft and complaisant. He is a good family man and father, but he does not want sex. This is because the biological component of sexuality has not been canceled. A man wants to have sex with a woman – with someone who can psychologically be called a woman. And it is difficult for him to experience sexual attraction to a person who, in a relationship with him, behaves either as a powerful man or as “his boyfriend”.
Situation two:
A man says that in order to be sexually attracted to his wife, he needs her to wear dresses, and also show tenderness and affection in behavior. The woman rests: “I feel comfortable dressing only in a sporty style. And why do we need veal tenderness in the fifth year of marriage? You can just go and have sex.”
It is noteworthy that women themselves, as a rule, become the initiators of a couple’s trip to a sexologist. Only they come to the consultation mainly with the message: “My husband is broken, fix him.”
Situation three:
Partners live in a long war for dominance in the family – in this state of affairs, there is no time for sex. Or, on the contrary, there is no need to fight for supremacy – an infantile man immediately gives it to a hyper-responsible woman.
In this case, the partner may experience disrespect, even contempt for the partner, since he is not able to solve the problems that arise in the family – mostly financial ones. And, as a result, ceases to experience sexual desire for him.
The partner is offended and continues to cling to his infantile behavior, seeing him as the only way to take revenge on his wife. And the circle closes.
All goes to good
So, over the past decade, all we have done is harm the sexual culture? No, it’s not. Among the new trends there are also positive ones that help us understand the issues of sexuality. Here are some of them:
- the number of sex shops and types of intimate goods continues to grow;
- it has become much easier to find a specialist sexologist – they work in all major cities, in addition, there is the possibility of online consultations;
- more and more popular are psychological trainings dedicated to sexuality and sex trainings at special sex centers;
- there is more information: a lot of relevant literature is published, and on the Internet you can find both articles and video lectures on the topic of sexuality.
All this suggests that we are ready to increase our level of sexual literacy and push the boundaries of sexual behavior. To begin with, it is enough to remember that the most important thing in sex is to want to receive and give sexual pleasure. And also not to go to extremes, for example, choosing only feminism or Vedic trainings as the norm.
After all, when we depersonalize our gender, we make the same serious mistake as when we overemphasize its differences. These are extreme manifestations that interfere with the quality of sexual interaction between partners.
It is necessary to look for new ways of developing sexuality, which, in the case of women, will not exclude the manifestation of their natural femininity. And in the event of sexual disagreements, seek professional support from a psychologist-sexologist as soon as possible.
About the Developer
Svetlana Murzina – family and clinical psychologist, sexologist-consultant. Her