Researchers are observing two opposite trends: some of us have forgotten how to interact with people during the pandemic, including in terms of intimacy, while others, on the contrary, have begun to experiment more in bed. There is a simple explanation for both.
How do you feel about one night stand? The most liberated of us and those who weren’t looking for a relationship generally liked it: you could focus on yourself and your pleasure without racking your brains over «where our relationship is headed» and without setting expectations. Pure physiology and nothing else.
Why in the past tense? Because this practice seems to be a thing of the past: it is not clear yet, just because of the pandemic or not, but “relationships without obligations” have replaced one-night stands.
At least that’s the conclusion of the National Sexual Relationship and Lifestyle Survey, a series of surveys that have been conducted every decade since 1990. According to their data, even the most sexually active participants note that they have become less likely to have new partners.
The researchers divided the subjects into four groups:
those who have neither relationships nor sex;
those who are not in a relationship but have sex;
those who are dating someone but live separately from their partner;
those who are in a relationship and live together.
It turned out that singles did not suffer so much during the pandemic: many had sex, including using toys. Many even stated that their sex life had improved. But behavior patterns have indeed changed.
First of all, people began to get to know each other differently. In connection with the lockdown and pandemic-related restrictions, the usual scenario for many “meet the eyes of the bar, talked, left together” stopped working.
We finally switched to online dating apps. But what is most interesting, there we began to formulate more clearly what exactly we expect from sex — whether we are set up for one date or are in search of a permanent sexual partner. Before, many tried to “save face” and not show a new acquaintance that they were more interested than he was.
«Let’s move in»
But that is not all. According to Julia Margot, co-founder of the adult toy company, a lot can be learned from changing buying behavior.
“For example, when the lockdown was announced in the United States, the demand for our products skyrocketed — mainly for those devices that people usually use alone. In 2021, they began to buy more remote-controlled toys — those that a partner can control using an application. From this we conclude: people in pairs began to experiment more.
In addition, in a situation where the lockdown forced us to choose between “next time we don’t know when to see each other” and “get together right now”, many chose the latter.
Of course, there are many cases when the regime of self-isolation destroyed families: people were not able to coexist with each other in the same space 24/7 – but at the same time, staying under the same roof prompted many to show curiosity and ingenuity.
Many respondents described their one-night stands as «vanilla» before the pandemic
Still, it’s hard to try new things with someone you barely know and don’t trust. But with a permanent partner, even if you have a “relationship without obligations”, experimenting is much easier and safer.
“We can see this at least in the growth in sales in the category of BDSM products,” explains Margo. “Before, I would have said that this is a purely niche story, but it seems that now those who take regular vibrators have begun to buy them, including buyers for 50–55.”
Because of the pandemic, sex has become a way to get rid of accumulated tension and anxiety, and also almost the only chance for intimacy in an environment where we all somehow had to maintain social distance. Not surprisingly, when the prospect of spending an indefinite number of nights alone loomed, few were willing to exchange for «one-time sex.»
«Forgot what it’s like»
In addition, the data from the study mentioned above suggests that a quarter of the respondents have not had any sexual life at all over the past two years — these people are now also more focused on finding “the same” person than on a one-night stand. At the same time, 25% of them say that they have “lost their grip”, and 13% are not at all ready for intimacy after such a long period of abstinence. Interestingly, not only women (although they are more so), but also men have lost their self-confidence.
There is also something else. Researcher Will Nutland from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine says that people of all generations are now afraid to get close to other people, and not only because of covid.
“We just forgot what it was like. We’ve lost some of our social and sexual skills.» We have become much less likely and less closely interact with each other in ordinary life, and therefore it is more difficult for us to initiate intimacy. And that’s why no one ran to «come off to its fullest» as soon as the restrictions were lifted.
At the same time, we recall that if the most sexually active of us have changed, then for the better: there is still the same amount of sex, fewer partners, and more experiments. Which, in general, leaves hope for everyone else.
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