How gratitude makes life better

There are moments when the rays of the sun break through the clouds, or when a partner decides to clean the house, or when a computer that you have already mentally buried suddenly starts working again. Pleasant surprises make you feel grateful. At that moment we would be ready to open the window and sing at the top of our voices.

But there are ordinary days, and most of them, when we think only about preparing for a meeting at work or a to-do list, about how we will spend the holidays. We simply do not have time to stop and appreciate all the amazing things that surround us. In such a mood, one no longer wants to sing, much more often we have a headache from worries. In everyday life, we almost do not experience this feeling, and this is very sad. After all, this is not just a rule of good taste, but the most important element of self-care, health and well-being.

“Gratitude is a powerful tool to make you feel better,” says Amy Gordon, a research scientist at the University of California, San Francisco. A growing body of research shows that gratitude improves sleep, enhances mood and joie de vivre, and lowers blood pressure. “It brings us the greatest benefit just when it is hardest to feel it.”

Robert Emmons, an expert in the study of gratitude, defines it as the ability to recognize and appreciate all the good things in life. We feel it when we realize that the source of our joy is something external. It could be a beloved aunt knitting socks, or nature creating a beautiful star-studded sky. Since gratitude is directed at the other, it can serve as a kind of emotional putty for a relationship. When you thank your spouse for agreeing to run to the dry cleaners, it brings you closer.

What can you do to feel this feeling more often in your daily life.

How to overcome instinct?

If you feel like your glass is half empty all the time, it’s time to be gentle with yourself. Experts believe that thanks to evolution, we are constantly on the alert, expecting something bad. Our distant ancestors could not afford to enjoy the scent of flowers, they looked out for saber-toothed tigers on the horizon. Only the survivors left offspring. Today, we face other threats (“Why is the dishwasher making strange noises ?!”), but, nevertheless, the brain is primarily engaged in looking for possible problems, and the joys of life fade into the background.

The second problem is related to the fact that the majority quickly adapts to changing circumstances. This is useful when something terrible happens. For example, when you file for divorce, you may feel like your life is over. Surveys show that after a year or two, most feel as happy as they were before the divorce. Scientists call this hedonic adaptation. Similarly, we very quickly get used to joyful changes, we begin to take them for granted.

“When I moved to a new house, I was so grateful to fate for the opportunity to live here! I loved the hardwood floors and was glad the windows let in so much light. But after a few months, she began to complain that the floors creaked, and because of the large windows it was cold in winter, ”recalls Amy Gordon.

There are many other obstacles in the world. “In order to experience gratitude, we need to stop rushing and start being mindful of our surroundings,” says Christine Carter, author of The Perfect Balance: How to Do More with Less. “But in our culture, staying busy is now the norm. We don’t have the time for the quiet contemplation needed to feel that feeling.”

The good news is that now that you are aware of these obstacles, you have already taken the first step towards getting around them and developing the habit of constantly feeling gratitude. There is no need to allocate a separate time in the schedule for this practice. It is better to practice it without interrupting your daily activities, over time you will develop such a habit.

“Imagine yourself as a curator collecting the joyful moments of life. Your goal is to collect all the good things,” says A.J. Jacobs, author of A Thousand Times Thanks: A Journey to Gratitude.

Don’t Forget the Invisible Helpers

While writing the book, Jacobs traveled the world to thank everyone whose work made it possible for him to enjoy his morning cup of coffee, from the designer who created the lid to the bean farmers: “A lot of what we use is created by hundreds of people, and we take it for granted.” You can follow his example. If you’re buying a turkey at a farmer’s market, for example, take 10 seconds to look the salesperson in the eye and tell him that you’ve been eating his turkey for years. This will make you happy for him and for yourself. Not a bad result for ten seconds.

Try expressing gratitude in other words

Even if you’re sincere, the usual thank you often sounds like you’re saying it automatically without thinking. Try to put it in other words. “Once I said to my wife: “I am very grateful to you that you yourself took your son to the orthodontist today.” She was impressed,” recalls Jacobs. Or: “It’s hard to even explain how much this means to me”, “I just want to tell you how much I appreciate …”. So you show the interlocutor the full depth of emotion.

make a list

To overcome the innate tendency of the brain to look for danger and trouble everywhere, try to consciously pay attention to everything that is joyful and positive around you. Rachel Finzi Woods, a psychotherapist in Santa Monica, writes down 10 reasons every day to be grateful to someone today. She keeps a list electronically, but if you want to practice regularly and in an organized way, keep a paper diary. This will help you not get stuck on one thing.

“You are unlikely to benefit if you repeat every day:“ I am grateful to life for the wonderful morning tea, ”in fact, you no longer feel it,” says Gordon.

Where do you get inspiration and fresh ideas from? Look for what causes awe in the soul. Walk through the beautiful forest, listen to great music, you can take advantage of the free minutes in the schedule. Get into the habit of mentally listing reasons to be thankful at certain times of the day, like when you’re waiting in line or taking a shower.

Listen to all feelings

When you perceive the world around you not only with sight and hearing, but also with all the other senses, everything around you seems to slow down. You have the opportunity to appreciate what surrounds you. Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg says that when caring for indoor plants, she consciously tries to perceive her surroundings with all her senses: “I have 50 plants, and the first thing I do in the morning is inspect every single one. I inhale their fragrance, touch them, sometimes take pictures to capture a beautiful moment. I always feel deep gratitude if I manage to catch the moment when one of the plants blooms.

Has there been any trouble? Accept this fact and move on

“You can feel this feeling not only in moments of bliss,” says Christine Carter. Otherwise, you would have to wait a very long time for the right moment, because there are always enough difficulties in life. Trouble happened – mentally express dissatisfaction: “Oh … again, he scattered his underwear in the bathroom.” Then imagine how you would feel if the annoying person (or other factor) disappeared from your life: “Without him, there would be no one to sleep with in an embrace, let him stay.”

Write a thank you letter

By writing it to any person who has made life better in some way, we bring joy not only to him, but also to ourselves. Why don’t we do this more often? “Many people think that the recipient of the letter may feel embarrassed or awkward. They underestimate how much he will enjoy reading it,” says Amit Kumar, a marketing researcher and professor at the University of Texas at Austin. In 2018, Kumar conducted an experiment to measure how we respond to thank you letters. It was just about emails, but the recipients were still deeply moved. So sit down and write, for example, to a violin teacher who has always believed in you and motivated you, how grateful you are to him. This will make both of you happier.

What are the benefits?

Here’s what science says about the practical benefits that gratitude can bring:

• Dream

A 2015 experiment showed that volunteers who kept a “gratitude diary” for two weeks, making 3 entries a week, improved the quality of sleep, apparently, the point is optimism and a positive attitude.

• Self-control

When we feel gratitude, it is easier for us to control ourselves, to endure forced waiting, to control impulses.

• Harmony in love

Couples were offered 4-5 evenings in a row to discuss what they are grateful to each other for. At the end, partners in these couples rated the relationship as closer than those who simply discussed how the day went.

• Happiness and joy

Volunteers were divided into two groups, the first was given a task for a week to remember three reasons for gratitude, and the second – three reasons for pride. After the end of the experiment, the “grateful” felt happier than the “proud”.

• generosity and altruism

The researcher, disguised as a stranger, helped the participants solve a computer problem, after which the subjects were more willing to help strangers.

Source: health.com