In any family, no matter how wonderful the relationship between spouses, conflicts are inevitable. Quarrels and the negative emotions and stress that accompany them eventually begin to undermine not only our psyche, but also our physical health. And what exactly in our body will suffer in the first place, largely depends on how exactly we behave during quarrels.
Specialists from the American Psychological Association (APA) conducted a study for 20 years, during which they followed the lives of 156 married couples. Once every 5 years, the spouses were invited to a psychological laboratory and invited them to discuss problems and disagreements. Everything that happened was recorded on video, after which the recording was studied by experts, noting manifestations of emotions, changes in tone of voice and features of the body language of the spouses during communication. After the experiment in the laboratory, the subjects also filled out a questionnaire in which they had to tell in detail about their health status and medical problems.
Scientists have identified two main patterns of behavior during conflicts that they have observed — anger (bodily it was expressed in compressed lips, furrowed eyebrows, an unusually loud or, conversely, quiet voice and tense jaws) and silent ignorance (tense muscles of the face and neck, no eye contact). Comparing these manifestations and data on the health status of the participants, the researchers found interesting patterns.
- Family quarrels: how to stay together?
It turned out that the tendency to openly show their anger and anger was most often associated with problems in the cardiovascular system: chest pain, hypertension. But the suppression of emotions and silent ignorance of the partner usually led to other symptoms: pain in the back and muscles, problems with the joints.
This association between behavior during conflicts and health problems was most pronounced in husbands. With wives, things were not so clear-cut, although the general trend persisted.
The researchers advise those who are prone to violent manifestations of anger to work on self-control, if necessary, seeking help from psychologists. Those who, on the contrary, keep all emotions in themselves, should learn to express them openly and constructively, of course, without going to the other extreme.
“Emotions greatly affect our mental and physical health. Any expression of emotion can be helpful if it is moderate enough. But if we constantly, for many years, get angry and fall into a rage, or, conversely, keep all emotions in ourselves during conflicts, over time this leads to problems. It’s worth considering what we can do to reduce conflict and find emotional balance,” says study author Robert Levenson.1.
1 Haase C.M. et al. «Interpersonal Emotional Behaviors and Physical Health: A 20-Year Longitudinal Study of Long-Term Married Couples», Emotion, May 2016.