How else at the wedding to understand that the marriage will be strong?

Family therapists aren’t the only ones who can tell how long a newlywed union will last. Organizers, by spending a lot of time with clients in preparation for the wedding, can also predict the potential of the marriage.

Being in contact with the bride and groom, they get the opportunity to observe them both in good and bad moments. This develops a «gut» to determine which couples are most likely to stay together for the long haul. What are the signs of this?

1. Partners are willing to compromise. The ability not only to insist on one’s own, but also to give in, plays a role not only when choosing a wedding venue or a cake, but also for living together. Sometimes it turns out to find a compromise, sometimes one of the partners gives in to the desires of the second, knowing that the next time he himself will be ready to meet.

“An important role is played by the ability to look at the situation from the point of view of a partner and find a solution that suits both. Problem-solving skills and a willingness to cooperate and compromise are signs that a relationship is in the future, says Laurie Stevenson of Chicago, founder of an event management firm. “When disagreements arise, partners remain calm and are ready to listen to each other.”

“Not everyone has a mutual agreement on every issue, but the willingness to respect ideas, points of view and past experience of a partner and to compromise is the key to a happy marriage,” adds New York-based wedding planner Jov Meyer.

2. They think less about the ceremony than about the future of marriage. A wedding is undoubtedly a very important event, but it is only one day in a life together. Couples who set their priorities right, first of all, think about the future family, and do not “get hung up” on every little thing when planning a wedding.

“Couples who are focused on a future life together, of course, also discuss the details of a future wedding, but are less worried about small problems that may arise. They won’t throw a tantrum if the ceremony has to be moved indoors because of the rain, or if the musicians suddenly start playing a song they asked to be excluded,” says Tracey Domino from Florida.

Maggie Godin of Washington agrees: “They are happy just because they are getting married. When the celebrations and glamorous ceremonies are over, only marriage will remain, this is the most important part.

3. They plan and make all decisions together. It often happens that one of the partners is planning the celebration. But if the second partner is not involved at all, this may mean that they are not able to act as a team.

“When I see that partners communicate with me on the phone together, come to meetings together and evenly distribute all tasks among themselves, I understand that their relationship has a great future. One groom wanted to order tacos for the wedding. They went to five different restaurants until they found the right one, and she went with him, ”says Liz Coopersmith, a wedding planner from Los Angeles.

4. They don’t disagree about spending. Financial matters are often one of the main sources of stress. If the partners don’t have disagreements about the wedding budget, or they can discuss them calmly, it shows that they are ready to talk about mortgages, unpaid bills, and children’s expenses.

“Whether you’re on the payroll or your family is helping you, it’s important to be open about your financial priorities with your partner, with nothing to hide. There’s nothing good about getting married heavily in debt and booking a party you can’t afford,» Stevenson says.

5. They are able to withstand the pressure of relatives. After the engagement, parents and siblings can begin to voice their opinions and give advice about the wedding. When partners have healthy personal boundaries with their own family members, they will be able to listen to advice calmly and respectfully and ignore those that do not suit them.

“If for the groom the opinion of the mother is more important than the opinion of the future wife, this is not normal. At some point, the future family must begin to act independently, without regard to relatives. Often, however, the task is complicated by caring relatives. It’s good if the bride or groom is ready to stand up for the future spouse or wife, ”says Summer MacLaine from Atlanta.

6. They have realistic expectations. Partners who are prepared in advance for inevitable troubles, whether it be the delay of the organizers or a black streak in a relationship, are likely to be able to build strong relationships.

“Are you expecting the sun and moon to be pulled out of the sky for a modest price? Are you waiting for nature to listen to you, and get upset if the weather is not the best on the day of the celebration? Do you hope that everything will go strictly according to plan to the minute, without unforeseen circumstances? If so, your expectations are unrealistic and will need to be adjusted,” Stevenson says.

7. They are able to discuss complex topics without grabbing each other by the throat. Even in healthy relationships, disagreements are inevitable. It is important how you will resolve them: shout, scold your partner or be silent? Or will you take a breath and calmly, honestly share your experiences? During the wedding planning period, there are often occasions for heavy conversations on sensitive topics (family, money).

“Organizing a wedding is not only flowers and cakes. I often have to be present during difficult conversations, when making difficult decisions. If I see that partners are open, honest and realistic, then I know that their union will last for a long time. I have seen how the groom hid financial problems from the bride. It leaves an unpleasant feeling, because I know that if he cheats on her before the wedding, he will continue after,” says McLain.

Source: Huffington Post