We are busy all the time. Our life is full of stress. We have to work, take care of the household and also raise children. But sometimes it would be helpful to stop and just give your child a big hug. After all, love and tenderness have a positive effect on children’s health.
Childhood experiences and traumas leave traces for life. And what about love? How does parental love affect our lives?
Studies have shown that children who are loved become mentally and physically healthier, more successful adults, more self-confident, better learners, and more easily get along with others. On the contrary, children who have not received such love often suffer from anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, are more hostile to the world and people, and are aggressive.
The power of parental love
Recent studies have proven the relationship between parental love and children’s health.
In 2010, researchers at Duke University found that children of loving and considerate mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults.
Approximately 500 people participated in the study, whose lives were followed from infancy to 30 years. When the children were eight months old, psychologists observed their interactions with their mothers and conducted developmental tests in parallel.
They rated their mothers’ love and attention on a five-point scale ranging from “negative” to “very strong.” About 10% of mothers did not love their children very much. 85% loved within the normal range. And about 6% loved very much.
Thirty years later, these same people were asked questions about their emotional health. Adults whose mothers loved more than others and gave their children more tenderness and attention were less prone to stress and anxiety. They were also less likely to experience hostility and less likely to complain of health problems caused by psychosomatics.
Psychologists have concluded that the hormone oxytocin is responsible for the connection between parental love and the mental health of children. It is he who influences the emergence of attachment to children, stimulates trust and support between parent and child, and ultimately makes the child happier and calmer.
According to a 2013 study by the University of California, Los Angeles, unconditional love and warmth from a parent makes it easier for a child to deal with anxiety. Moreover, tenderness, caress, attention physically change his brain. On the other hand, violence and indifference negatively affect children. A child who is not loved develops physical and psychological illnesses.
According to a 2015 University of Notre Dame study, children who were loved by their parents grew up to be happy adults.
More than 600 people answered questions about how they grew up. Adults who were more loved were less prone to anxiety and depression, had a high level of empathy, treated themselves and others with understanding and compassion.
And those participants who were not loved were devalued, humiliated, even beaten, suffered from health problems, from communication difficulties. It was also more difficult for them to put themselves in the place of another.
hug more often
Participants in the study were also asked how often their parents hugged them. In the end, physical interaction between mother and baby has been shown to help soothe the baby, resulting in babies crying less and sleeping more. It has also been found to speed up brain development.
According to an article in Scientific American, children who lived in socially disadvantaged environments, such as an orphanage, had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who lived with loving parents. Psychologists believe that the lack of physical contact in shelters is the main factor in adverse physiological changes.
More studies have shown that massage reduces anxiety in children. This is a good way for parents to connect with their child both physically and emotionally. Children and adults who have been massaged are more likely to cope with stressful situations and are less prone to anxiety.
How can you show your children that you love them, make the relationship warm and trusting? Here are 4 tips to help you establish and maintain contact with your child:
1. Hug, kiss the child from the first days of life. Any child, even if he was just born, needs tenderness, affection, hugs. Take the children in your arms, soothe, stroke their heads, and press the newborn to you, “skin to skin”.
2. Play with it. Do something funny together – dance, invent funny and even stupid games, inhabit the magical land of “hugging monsters” and “kissing fairies”.
3. Do not forget to show your child your tenderness. Set a reminder so you don’t forget to hug your baby. Or hug him at certain times of the day, like when he leaves for school, comes home, or goes to bed. Better yet, do it when you want, without any reason.
4. Raise with love. When you explain to your child what they did wrong, put your hand on their shoulder and hug them at the end of the conversation to show that although you are unhappy with their behavior, you still love them. If your child has hit a sibling, explain that hugging is better than fighting.
And finally, do not smother the child with love. Respect his personal boundaries and remember that he will grow up and your relationship will change.