When it comes to happiness, we first of all think: what does it take to achieve it? Happiness and positive emotions seem to us an absolute blessing. But the paradox of the human personality is that, being happy, we are more easily ready to offend others.
How often do we hear or say ourselves: “Think positively!”, “Let’s talk about something pleasant”, “Why create all this negativity?”. The achievement of happiness as the highest goal of existence today is practically elevated to a cult. Movies, books, music – the call from Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!” is literally everywhere. (“Don’t worry, be happy”). But is it useful for us to always be in a good mood and continuously experience positive emotions? Scientists have come to the conclusion that the nature of positive emotions is not as straightforward as it might seem at first glance. This force has its dark sides, one of which is selfishness.
Psychologists from the University of New South Wales (Australia) conducted the following experiment. First, a group of students of 45 people was offered a fictitious geometric test. Its results were rated as outstanding or very poor in order to arouse the participants in a good or bad mood, respectively. Then the students themselves assessed their condition on a seven-point scale. After that, the most important thing began – the so-called dictatorial game. Each participant was given 20 lottery tickets to be divided between himself and a second person (stranger or fellow student). The results were impressive. Students who were in good spirits kept more tickets for themselves. And if a stranger was in front of the “happy” students, they showed an even greater degree of selfishness. At the same time, participants in a bad mood shared tickets fairly, regardless of the degree of acquaintance with their opponent*.
But what is the reason for such behavior of a person? Why can personal happiness dull the capacity for empathy? After all, usually a positive attitude has a good effect on socialization. Scientists have come to the conclusion that a lot depends on how our emotions coincide with the experiences of our opponents. When we are in high spirits, we are much closer and understand people in a similar position**. At the same time, it is much more difficult for a positive-minded person to understand the suffering person, to take the place of the one experiencing negative emotions. The concept of happiness for Western civilization is very closely related to personal well-being. Therefore, social connections may suffer when higher levels of happiness and positive emotions are achieved***.
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- Selfishness has its good points
But happiness can also play a cruel joke on those who hunt for it. The constant search and expectation of happiness (that is, a state in which positive emotions prevail over negative ones) can have the opposite effect. In an experiment by psychologist Iris Mauss, a group of female students were shown videos about relationships and intimacy between a man and a woman. But before watching, one read an article of a neutral nature, and the other – a note on the comprehensive benefits of happiness. After viewing, the scientists measured the level of loneliness of the respondents. As it turned out, girls from the second group *** felt much more lonely.
After reading them a note about the obvious advantages of being in a state of happiness, the researchers planted in their minds the idea of its necessity. That is, in fact, they created a model, the discrepancy to which led to an increase in negative emotions – feelings of loneliness. When we take happiness and positive experiences as the goal, we run the risk of disappointment. The same can befall everyone if our own requirements for happiness are too high or if they are fully (in our opinion) realized by one of our friends and acquaintances ****. Taking someone else’s life as a model, a person tends to devalue his own personal experience.
In 1968, The Beatles recorded the song “Happiness is a warm gun” (“Happiness is a warm gun”). John Lennon said that he first saw this slogan in a specialized weapons magazine, and he shocked the musician. After all, “a warm barrel means that the weapon has just fired.” Happiness, good mood, positive emotions are an effective weapon with which we can deal with difficult life situations. But you need to use it with all care and attention so as not to injure yourself or your neighbor.
* H.B. Tan, J.P. Forgas «When happiness makes us selfish, but sadness makes us fair: Affective influences on interpersonal strategies in the dictator game», Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, July 2010.
** H.C. Devlin, J. Zaki, D.C. Ong, J.Gruber «Not as goog as you think? Trait positive Emotion is associated with increased self-reported empathy but decreased empathic performance». PLos ONE 9(10), October 2014.
*** I. B. Mauss, N. S. Savino, C.L. Anderson, M. Weisbuch, M. Tamir, & M. L. Laudenslager «The pursuit of happiness can be lonely», Emotion, October 2011.
**** B.Q. Ford, I.B. Mauss, « The paradoxical effects of pursuing positive emotion: When and why wanting to feel happy backfires». Из J. Gruber, J. Moskowitz «The light and dark sides of positive emotion», Oxford University Press, 2014.