By accepting your appearance, a person automatically becomes more self-confident, psychologists say. But how can we love ourselves for who we are?
Loving your appearance with all its features, wrinkles and folds is easier said than done. It seems that today, when we are surrounded on all sides by photos of “ideal” models and celebrities, it is especially difficult to do this.
We understand that a whole team of make-up artists, stylists, photographers and lighting worked on their images, often created just for the sake of a picture. We know that the frame was chosen from hundreds of other, less successful ones. And yes, we remember the miraculous power of Photoshop. And yet, for many of us, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to the flawless heroines of the photo shoots that the media and advertising billboards are willingly palming off on us.
So, it is almost impossible to fully comply with modern ideals of beauty. Why, even realizing this, do many still strive for this? “Perhaps because beauty in our society is equated with success,” says psychologist Larisa Karnatskaya. “Whether we realize it or not, a person who is attractive on the outside gives us the impression of being successful and in demand, even if in fact he is not. That is why it is so important for many to live up to the imposed ideals.”
The inability to look the way society prescribes can greatly undermine self-confidence. “After all, the acceptance of appearance is the basis on which our self-esteem is built,” recalls Larisa Karnatskaya. – The formation of self-confidence begins in childhood with a good relationship with one’s own body. And later other components are added. That is, first: “I’m beautiful.” And only then: quick-witted, talented, kind … “
Women feel more pressure than men. And teenage girls are especially susceptible to worries about their appearance. For example, an international study conducted in 2005 by the Dove brand showed that 92% of girls would like to change at least one aspect of their appearance. At the same time, the majority (60%) are dissatisfied with their weight, despite the fact that in reality it is only 19% above the norm.
“In adolescence, when an identity crisis occurs, it is especially important to feel “correct” physically,” the psychologist comments. “That’s why girls are especially dependent on the opinions of others.”
Dove Self-Esteem program
Since 2014, Dove has been running special classes for teenage girls in Russian schools that boost their self-confidence by helping them recognize and appreciate their own uniqueness. The following are recommendations from the self-esteem discussion guide that Dove distributes to parents of teenage girls as part of this program.
How to love your body?
- Move more. Dance to your favorite music, go for a walk, or do something else that gives you pleasure. The better you feel your body, feel its strength and mobility, the less discontent you have, imposed from the outside.
- Find your old photos that you like. If at that time you were dissatisfied with something in your appearance, and now you understand that you looked very good then, then try to reconsider your attitude to how you look. Is it really bad what you focus on? It will be a shame only after a few years to find that today you looked good, but spent a lot of energy on dissatisfaction with yourself, instead of enjoying life.
- Thank your body. It has been through so much! She worked, did housework, possibly carried a child. True, it would be strange if it always remained the same as the retouched bodies of models in magazines?
Wellness coach Nadya Andreeva offers a simple exercise: write a love letter to your patient, reliable, silent body that you live with all your life.
Example of a letter from a client
“My dear body! I want you to know that your strength and endurance never ceases to amaze me. Over the past 18 years, that is, almost half of your entire life, you have endured constant violence against yourself. You steadfastly endured 12-hour shifts in forty-degree hot kitchens, bending over, lifting and carrying all sorts of weights and hot objects. During all this time you have never let me down.
For all your hard work, I rewarded you with constant burns and abrasions, many late evenings with too fatty foods and alcohol abuse and very little rest. There was also a time when I subjected you to painful procedures and pumped you with unnatural hormones prescribed by doctors. I should have been a more reliable advocate for you and insisted on a more comprehensive approach, not a quick fix. I should have taken the time to find the best solution for this.
I have good news for you too. Someone loves you! This wonderful, generous man insisted on giving you the opportunity to take a break and get some rest. I hope it’s not too late as I would like to make up for what I missed. I started playing sports again – it will make you stronger and ultimately happier. I have learned to listen and understand what you need, and I give you the appropriate food. So much time in my life was devoted to feeding others and ignoring you! It’s time to focus on healthy, nutritious food for you.
In truth, I want to ask you for one more favor. I’m sure you already know what I’m talking about. I will need your incredible strength to help our family grow. I have scars so I will never forget all the things you have already done for me. You and I have many more amazing years ahead of us, and I pledge to treat you with love and kindness. I am grateful to you for our joint journey and look forward to the future with hope.
With love, Me.”