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How to understand that he (she) is in front of you? .. Kira Asatryan, a writer and consultant on family relations, tells you what four points you should definitely pay attention to.
This question is asked by men and women at all stages of relationships: from the first date to the engagement. It can also be heard from the future mother-in-law (or mother-in-law): “Why are you so sure that my son (my daughter) is the one you are looking for?” Or from a friend on their wedding day: “Are you sure you want to spend your whole life with him?”
And what do we answer? As a rule, something like “I just love her” or “She understands me perfectly” …
As a relationship counselor, I often come across couples who are happily in a relationship and want to move in together — but have absolutely no idea why. Of course, love cannot be described in words and is easily confused with desire, passion or friendship. That is why I am not surprised that this question is so difficult to answer. But all these couples have one thing in common. All men and women who sought to continue relationships were absolutely satisfied with them. This means that both partners received from the relationship exactly what they expected and what they needed. Often this is the basis for the “what I need” feeling that we feel but cannot express. And also one of the signs of a harmonious romantic relationship. So, how can this satisfaction help us realize that we are going to connect our lives with the one we need?
- What do men and women expect from marriage?
1. Rate if you like everything
It can be difficult. To make things easier, I recommend dividing relationships into several categories: sex, finances, emotional component, communication, and so on. And then evaluate how satisfied you are with each of the categories. If you are satisfied with absolutely all points — my congratulations! You really found the one you were looking for. If, however, not all points satisfy you yet, do not be discouraged. Think, perhaps in time you will find a way to accept the situation or change it.
2. Ask yourself how good your past relationships were.
If there was something that made you feel better last time than you do now, discuss it with your partner. It is always worth talking about what you want and what you are waiting for. However, it is quite possible that you yourself do not know exactly what you want. But in this case, it is important to just start a conversation. There is nothing more toxic than comparing past and current relationships.
- Joint life: 5 questions before the start
3. Can you imagine meeting an even better partner?
The same rule here: if you feel that some point in your relationship does not meet expectations, talk about it with your partner. Do not be silent and do not keep your displeasure to yourself.
4. Think maybe you should work on yourself
If you can’t figure out what exactly you don’t like about a relationship, but it doesn’t satisfy you, it’s usually a sign that you yourself don’t yet understand what you want from them. Agree, it is very difficult to get what you want if you do not know what you want. Try to think about it and understand what an attractive relationship and a good marriage look like to you. And what, in your opinion, is not enough to achieve this result.