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Introverts are often confused with social phobes – people who absolutely cannot be in society. However, there are very significant differences between them.
Many people know that introverts do not like to be in a crowd and prefer individual tasks to team activities. At the same time, among them there are excellent leaders and well-known motivational speakers. Social phobes are reluctant loners who often suffer from their condition.
Introversion is an innate trait. Introverts relax and recharge their energy alone or in a narrow circle of close people. Social phobia, on the other hand, is an acquired quality. Life experience convinces such people that others are unfair, envious and treacherous.
2. Social phobes avoid any contact.
They rarely go to parties and public events. If they still decide to “go out”, they avoid face-to-face communication, try to find a secluded place where they spend time alone with their phone. Such people rarely answer calls, preferring to receive sms and voice messages.
3. Social phobes can be extroverts
Paradoxically, you can be energized by communicating with people and at the same time be afraid of them. For example, you want to go out to dinner with co-workers but are afraid they won’t want to talk to you, or you’re thinking of throwing a party but you’re afraid your guests will give you an unfavorable impression.
Clinical psychologist Helen Hendriksen observes: “It is painful to feel uncomfortable both alone and among people. This situation seems hopeless.”
For an introvert, solitude and solitude are necessary conditions for relaxation. The social phobe avoids communication for another reason: in order not to feel disappointment and regret. By shielding themselves from communication, such people reduce the level of anxiety, but do not experience the joy of loneliness.
5. Social phobes are overly concerned about what others think of them.
Introverts prefer to be themselves, instead of thinking “what Princess Marya Alekseevna will say.” They are self-sufficient and in most cases are not prone to perfectionism.
For people suffering from social phobia, any appearance in society is an attempt to meet certain standards and look better than they really are.
They say to themselves: “I must not be silent during the conversation, as if I have nothing to say” or “In a conversation with the owner, I must say something entertaining and witty.” Social phobes spend so much time and energy trying to impress and cope with anxiety that they cannot focus on the conversation itself, get useful information or enjoy communication.
6. Social phobes practice “safe behavior”
Social anxiety sufferers often blame themselves for their lack of social skills. They say: “I don’t know how to keep up a conversation”, “I’m so awkward.” Due to self-doubt, they resort to “safe behavior”: hiding their eyes, speaking too quietly, smiling all the time and talking in a fawning tone.
According to Helen Hendriksen, these people simply underestimate themselves. They are great listeners because they try to talk less about themselves.
If social anxiety is holding you back, try to change.
- Get out of your comfort zone and force yourself to do what you fear the most.
- Put an end to “safe behavior”: look the other person in the eye, speak loudly and clearly enough.
- Turn your attention to external things: instead of worrying about how you look and what people think of you, look at the people around you, listen to the conversation and give your opinion.
About expert
Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist at Boston University.