Man is mortal. And, as the famous character of the novel “The Master and Margarita” said, he is suddenly mortal. How do people manage to cope with their fear, what books or wise sayings help them? Answers from our survey participants.
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After five years of smoking, I had unpleasant sensations in the bronchi – an itch that penetrated with impulses. Then paranoia arose, they say, I’m unwell. It became a real reason to take care of yourself. I quit smoking and began to study the human body, eat better and so on.
In addition, I began to study issues of thanatology, near-death experiences, the psychology of dying, artistic and religious texts of different cultures devoted to this issue. They had a lot of food for thought, which I correlated with my experience and took the most necessary.
For example, Leibniz’s thought was very useful to me, the essence of which is that it is better to prepare for death and not regret it than not prepare and regret it.
One path that I find dead-ended is the path offered by modern society. With all his might, he suggests not paying attention to death, distracting with his entertainment trinkets. I affirm, following what I have learned: Memento mori. Remember death. She is a great teacher. I advise you to read: Ernest Becker “The Denial of Death”, Stanislav Grof “The Man in the Face of Death”, the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
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The fear of death has different reasons, oddly enough. Of course, there is also a common denominator, the instinctive-biological “how is it, I’m like this, the most important thing for myself, I’ll die ?!”. But as a rule, this denominator works only in moments of real danger, fear from some kind of news (about one’s own illness, for example). You can work with other reasons as well.
First, imagine that you are already dead. Think about what you regret most of all, that you didn’t have time, didn’t say, didn’t try … As a rule, this will be what generates most of the fear of death. From the entire list, start doing what is in your power (it is clear that if there is regret, for example, about not winning a million dollars or about not experiencing “great love”, then this is not in your power, but do what you love instead of unloved or go to date – completely). Try to get the maximum of these things done in the shortest amount of time, as if tomorrow / in a week / in a year you were threatened with death.
Then try to feel what exactly you are afraid of in death (complete emptiness or, conversely, that there will be “something bad”). Imagine that you have already experienced this, and try to reduce your specific fear, find the positive moment in each. Will there be nothing? – but while I’m alive, I will try to feel to the maximum, to live life to the fullest. Will it be bad? – well, I will learn to manage my fear and emotions during my lifetime, then it will be easier “there” too.
In any case, you will only benefit from all the exercises to reduce the fear of death – increase the quality of your life.
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It was not possible to completely overcome the fear. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it, if only because it’s natural to be afraid of death. But one day, in the process of preparing for the exam, I read in the textbook one wonderful quote from Epicurus: “The most terrible of evils, death, has nothing to do with us; when we are, then death is not yet, and when death comes, then we are no more.” And it became somehow easier for me to relate to this topic.
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One must calmly and rationally come to terms with the thought of one’s inevitable death. It may take years. This reconciliation will give you more than overcoming fear: you will feel the joy of life, literally every day of it. We will always have time to die – we must live, see every day the miracle of life!
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In general, this is a basic existential fear and it is difficult to get away from it. Irvin Yalom writes about two basic mechanisms for avoiding it: belief in one’s own exceptionalism (that is, people die, this is a fact, but not me personally) and belief in the ultimate savior (“Some people find their savior not in some supernatural being, but in their earthly environment, in the form of a leader or some high cause. For millennia, people have thus conquered the fear of death, bringing their freedom and life itself on the altar of some higher figure or personified idea”).
Perhaps understanding the universality of this fear can help you.
From the age of 15 I had an obsessive fear of death, which greatly occupied my attention. I was even afraid to fall asleep, because I thought that I would not wake up. Once I happened to share this with my father, to which he said to me: “Why worry if you can die at any second? Brick, blood clot, cardiac arrest, earthquake, car, maniac – what’s the difference? Paradoxically, after that, the obsessive fear no longer bothered me at all.
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The fear of death cannot be overcome. You can forget about it. The fear of death arises mainly because of humanistic values and the unknown world. A person, feeling uselessness and emptiness, seeks to know space and time, of course, focusing on the absence of time, and therefore there is a panic before death.
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The fear of death for me is the fear of pain and unfinished business. The fear of pain was easily overcome, because I know that pain can be endured, and if not, then there is a pain shock. And the fear of unfinished business recedes if you live for today. It doesn’t mean I don’t make plans, no But I do not place undue expectations on these plans. So, in principle, it is easier to live. Well, memento mori, as mentioned above. From myself I can also advise: Michel Montaigne “Experiments”, chapter 20 that to philosophize means to learn to die.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca “Letters to Lucilius”
- “We experienced death before we were born: after all, death is non-being, what it is, we already know. After us will be the same as it was before us. If there is any pain in death, it must have been there before we were born. But then we did not feel any suffering. I will say this: is it not absurd to think that the lamp is worse after it is extinguished than before it is lit. We also light up and go out. During this period of time, we experience some suffering. Outside it, on both sides, there should be complete peace. The whole mistake is that we think that death will only follow life, when it preceded it.” (Letter 54)
- Death is inevitable, and therefore we should not be afraid of it: “We are not afraid of death, but the thought of death, which is why we are always equally far from death. So, if you fear death, you should always fear it, for what hour is removed from its power? (Letter 30).
- “Often we must die and do not want to; we die and still don’t want to. Of course, everyone knows that someday they will have to die, however, when the hour of death comes, they hide from it, tremble and cry. But isn’t it absurd to weep that you didn’t live a thousand years ago? And it is equally absurd to cry about the fact that you will not live a thousand years later. After all, it’s the same thing. It never was and never will be” (Letter 77).
- “We are dissatisfied with fate, but what is fairer: that we obey the laws of nature or that she obey us? And if so, does it really matter when you die, since you must die in any case. We must take care not to live long, but to live enough” (Letter 93).