You have probably met people who, for any reason, burst into sarcastic tirades or venomously comment on every other person’s mistake. They can destroy your self-esteem with a single word. What is behind this behavior?
It is called “a slap in the face” and “boiling water in an ice pot” … Although each of us once became either its victim or its source, this complex set of negative emotional reactions is relatively little studied.
Contempt is not one of the six basic emotions. (recall that this is anger, happiness, surprise, disgust, sadness and fear – almost like in the cartoon “Inside Out”). Although some psychologists still argue on this topic. After all, contempt, like all basic emotions, has a unique, recognizable “facial expression”. It is easy to read, even if the words do not contain any negativity: rolling eyes, a wry smile on one side, a mocking and detached tone of voice …
But perhaps contempt is really not an emotion, but a personality pattern, a character trait? Psychologist Roberta Schriber and colleagues at the University of California in their recent study1 insist that the tendency to believe that others do not meet some high standards may not be a temporary affect, but a permanent personality trait. That is, people with such an established pattern of behavior condemn, ridicule and humiliate others regularly and, most likely, will do this all their lives.
Contempt for people is a faithful companion of the famous “dark triad” – narcissism, psychopathy and especially Machiavellianism.
Contempt has two sides. Although contemptuous people are unpleasant in communication, arrogant and tactless, at the same time they feel that those around them are unfair and underestimate them.
Contempt for people, as established by Roberta Schreiber, a faithful companion of the famous “dark triad” – narcissism, psychopathy (indifference to other people’s emotions) and especially Machiavellianism (manipulative behavior). This is not surprising, because it is not at all difficult to use “lower beings” to your advantage.
Family psychologist Professor John Gottman claims that contempt from one of the partners is the first sign that a marriage is heading for the abyss.2, and has a colossal negative effect on relationships. He even claims that couples in which sarcasm and ridicule are common are more likely to suffer from infectious diseases.
It has been noticed that more often such a toxic attitude is broadcast by the wife, and not by the husband. Marion Underwood, a neuroscientist at the University of Texas at Dallas, believes that women are more likely to show contempt than men. It is easier for them to douse others with a “cold shower” silently or with caustic hints than to express aggression in a direct form.3. And such a quiet war in the end turns out to be more dangerous than open outbursts of anger.
People who are intolerant of others have low self-esteem and see continuous flaws in themselves.
What fuels contempt? Modern researchers cannot identify a single reason that leads to the formation of contempt for others. But they find a strong link between the tendency to look down on people and low self-esteem. As a rule, people who are intolerant of others see continuous shortcomings in themselves.
Roberta Schreiber suggests that contemptuous and distrustful adults in childhood could not count on the help and support of their parents and often felt unhappy and useless. That is, contempt is a defensive reaction to a traumatic situation. So a person exuding poison is more likely to be pitied.
1 R. Schriber et al. «Dispositional Contempt: A First Look at the Contemptuous Person», Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, June 9, 2016.
2 J. Gottman, R. Levenson «A two-factor model for predicting when acouple will divorce: Explanatory analyses using 14-year longitudinal data». Family Process, 2002, № 41.
3 M. Underwood «Glares of contempt, eye rolls of disgust and turning away to exclude: Non-verbal forms of social aggression among girls». Feminism & Psychology, 2004, № 14.