How children learn to be afraid, or Teaching fears in children

Small children with a sense of fear are practically unfamiliar. The majority of babies have elementary reflexes (fright) to loud sounds, caution in front of heights and a natural protest against pain. Congenital fear of the dark, snakes and cockroaches in infants is extremely rare.

John Watson, the father of behaviorism, believed that babies have only a few innate fears, of which the two most important are the fear of loud noises and the fear of loss of care. Literally all other fears, in his opinion, are acquired as a result of conditioning. What did the experimental test show?

Experiments show that the main array of fears that we observe in children is the result of learning. However, one must distinguish: the ability to be afraid is an innate ability of babies, and the list of “what I am afraid of” — I repeat, is the result of learning. More specifically, it is based on

appropriation of attractive samples,

uncritical assimilation of the suggestions of others

development of own life experience,

as a tool of manipulation.

While the feeling of fear is a basic, innate emotion, only the ability to be afraid, the ability to freeze or run away from danger is innate. But what you need to freeze from, at the sight of what you need to run away — this list is not innate.

Some young children have an inborn predisposition to be afraid of the dark, cockroaches, snakes, and some other potentially dangerous circumstances. However, in the variety of children’s fears, this is a very small category, and whether the predisposition to be afraid will turn into real fear also depends on the circumstances of life and the actions of the parents.

What to be afraid of (cockroaches or Barmaley) is not set in a certain way in the child’s body, and the list of Terrible is created, as a rule, as a result of social learning.

John Watson, the father of behaviorism, believed that babies have only a few innate fears, of which the two most important are the fear of loud noises and the fear of loss of care. Literally all other fears, in his opinion, are acquired as a result of conditioning. What did the experimental test show?

Who teaches our children what to be afraid of, what is “terrible”? The answer is the culture in which the child grows up. In different cultures, there are different ideas about what is terrible and not, what is necessary and what should not be afraid.

Indeed, is it necessary to be afraid of a big bearded man with a loud voice in a red coat, who all the time knocks on the floor with a stick? — No, he is not scary, but kind, this is Grandfather Frost!

By listening to parents, friends and watching cartoons, children learn the accepted vision, learn social interpretations of what is scary and what is not, what is not very scary, and what is a complete nightmare. Children learn the accepted pattern of fear: with what words, with what face and with what screams they need to be afraid in different situations, how it is customary to be afraid of cockroaches, and how to be afraid of a teacher.

In addition to culture, children are taught to be afraid of their parents, and in some part this is completely normal and justified. A small child does not yet have a head, and if the child is not afraid to get hit by a car when crossing the street, then the probability that an accident will occur is too high. On the other hand, the more anxious parents are, the less justified their fears are, but the more often they see the Terrible and teach their children: “It’s scary!”, “You need to run away from this”, “This is stronger than you.”

It’s scary to be alone, it’s scary to go outside in the evening, it’s scary to trust people… Suggestions may or may not be obvious, but together with reinforcements, they form one or another worldview of the child. Children master accepted fears.

Teaching fears is largely due to natural suggestions: not only with words, but with the situation itself, including the natural reaction of parents.

The child fell — is it scary? The child doesn’t know it yet. If parents inspire that it is scary, the child will learn this and begin to be afraid of falls. Now he knows: “Falling is scary!” If a child is taught that falling is interesting, the little one will run and fall without fear, but with interest.

Well, in addition to culture and parents, children themselves teach fears to children: the environment of our children, and each child independently. Children (mostly girls) themselves learn to be afraid, because being afraid is interesting, accepted and profitable. Often children themselves invent fears for themselves and are afraid of them with pleasure.

Story: “A story that I also observed myself. There are two sisters, younger and older. When the youngest was about 3 years old, she calmly and curiously looked at spiders, two-tails, and other insect household animals. I could easily take it all in my hands. Then about 2 weeks pass, and at the next appearance of an insect — a standard girlish screech. Have the insects become more dangerous? No, it’s just this behavior and this reaction was borrowed from the older sister.

S.A., a UPP student, writes: “My five-year-old daughter saw in the animated series Winx how one of the heroines expresses her displeasure when she doesn’t succeed in something. First I saw it on my daughter when she couldn’t cut the letters exactly, and then I accidentally saw the template in the cartoon from which she copied it. In case of failure, the character clenched his fists and sharply lowered his hands down, while uttering an angry growl with clenched teeth. And I wondered for a long time, where did she get such a reaction from?

It starts out as a game, but children flirt easily, especially if the game of fear turns out to be beneficial for them. When parents reinforce the fears of children with their increased attention, when the child is in the center of attention every time he becomes scared, then soon the child, in the absence of other entertainment, begins to collect, store and protect his fears, as his expensive property. Children become anxious.

The anxiety of one is easily transmitted like a virus to another. Anxiety of parents is easily transmitted to children, although smart children sometimes resist it … — watch the video from the movie «Chocolate».

As a result, children, while on their own initiative, when with the help of parents, friends, films and the media, learn to be afraid and soon become skilled in being afraid.

Summary

​​​​​​​Children are afraid when they are accustomed to it and they are allowed to do it. Children in the regime of free or permissive upbringing themselves choose what they are afraid of, and the list of their fears can be very large, arbitrary and convenient for them personally. Well-bred children are afraid only of what their parents have told them, and they treat other things without fear, but as they should — with attention, caution and interest. A well-bred child cannot be a coward: he is intelligent and reasonably cautious, and at the same time resolute and courageous. Do you agree?