Julia Enkhel, founder and president of Enhel Group, told healthy-food-near-me.com about how they approach raising kids in the Land of the Rising Sun.
Yulia Angel, a businesswoman, beauty and health expert and beauty blogger, often visits Japan for work. And it doesn’t just happen, but spends quite a lot of time there.
She was already accustomed to the incredible efficiency of the local population, to capsule hotels, ten-course dinners and offers to exchange luxurious shoes for comfortable slippers. But she still continues to comprehend a lot – as the philosophy of Zen.
For me, Japan is a country of discovery. First of all, it was amazing to meet exceptionally good children everywhere. Japanese kids are welcoming and cultured. I have never seen them demand a toy or a treat from their parents. And even more so, I did not see the hysterics associated with the refusal of moms and dads to meet halfway. Everything here is very respectful and warm!
Many argue that the Japanese ikuji parenting system is stressful for children. Yes, for us Europeans, this pedagogy is not easy, in many ways even paradoxical. But there is no doubt that it works.
Imagine a situation: a mother with a small child comes to a cosmetics and perfumery store. The kid steadfastly endures aimless wanderings between showcases – the first half hour. And then, tired of the monotony, he moves on to action. He opens jars of creams, sprays perfume, squeezes mousses and gels onto the floor. But this does not annoy anyone around. Rather touches! Adults not only do not make comments, they smile and support. It’s just that a small child can do anything! But strictly up to five years. This is not permissiveness and self-indulgence, as the adherents of Makarenko’s pedagogy might think. This is how Japanese mothers, who are called “amae”, form the image of “I am good and beloved” in their children. They form, despite the circumstances … So even if it is “bad”, “anxious” and “dangerous”, the little “celestial” will not be scolded and beaten on the hands.
An example for clarity: there is a cup of boiling water on the table. A three-year-old baby runs around her and tries to look inside. Nobody drives him away, but if he gets burned, “amae” will apologize. Can you imagine ?! Thus, the woman shows that the child’s rash act hurt her … In this child’s paradise there is only unconditional parental love and support.
Once I witnessed such a situation – in a fit of resentment, a child broke his favorite car. My first impulse is to scold. Not to scold, namely to calmly convey to the baby that the toy was worth the money that mom and dad earn. The Japanese woman just turned my mind upside down. She just said, “You’re hurting her!” And that’s it! This short phrase enlightened the kid better than any punishment. In the Japanese system of values, you cannot upset your mother. And any child will do everything to prevent this from happening.
By the way, here’s what else I discovered for myself: Japanese women are in no hurry to go to work from maternity leave. Their main calling is to be a mother. None of them will shift their responsibilities to grandparents or nannies. I think this is very important. The longer the child is with his mother, the stronger his affection for her.
In order to test the bond for strength, the mother and the child have as many as ten years. From 5 to 15, the baby goes through the “servant” stage. At this turning point, parental love doesn’t go anywhere. The boundless adoration and praise is gone. Now daughters-sons need to live by different rules. More precisely, just by the rules. From now on, the public interest is paramount. Man is just a cog in a complex system. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you can run into social alienation, ridicule, contempt and even hatred. And this is the worst dream of any Japanese. Nobody wants to be an outcast.
In kindergartens and schools in Japan, teachers do not compare children with each other. This is not accepted. Here, no one is better or worse than the rest. Moreover, the effect of rivalry is not even where it is, in the opinion of Europeans, necessary – at sports events. The favorite activities of Japanese kids are everything related to team spirit: outdoor games, relay races, choral singing.
At fifteen, Japanese teens become equal to adults. By this age, the personality is almost formed. Now they evaluate everything correctly and act flawlessly. Yes, by virtue of nature, they can rebel a little. But this in no way goes beyond reason. Parents understand: they have fulfilled their main task: they have raised a harmonious person. And also – a disciplined law-abiding citizen of his country, which is not for nothing called the power of high technologies.
Whether or not to adopt the experience of the parents of the Land of the Rising Sun is a question that each of us must answer for himself.
As an argument “for” I will cite the research of scientists. So, experts have proved: “Japanese pedagogy” significantly reduces the number of whims and fights in children. The incidence of attention deficit disorder and the severity of autism spectrum disorders are reduced. But a strict and harsh upbringing, on the contrary, leads to deviations and problems. And yet the main thing, as the most famous doctor of all times and peoples said: “Do no harm”!