We are glad to welcome you, dear readers of the blog! Today we will look at one of the manipulation techniques, which is called the «rule of three yes», it helps to achieve agreement from the interlocutor in any matter, even when he is skeptical towards you.
The essence of the method
There is a person who has taken a special place in psychology, and has helped a huge number of people to cope with their difficulties and problems. And this person’s name is Dale Carnegie, it was he who introduced this rule into use, and moreover, he constantly used it in his practice. But initially it was invented by Socrates, an ancient Greek philosopher and orator, you can read it here.
He noticed that if the interlocutor says “yes” several times in a row, then, in the end, he agrees even with what he was initially opposed to. Why is this happening? It turns out that after a series of studies, it was revealed that when a person says the word “no”, his body immediately releases a portion of norepinephrine, a hormone that helps tune in to fight in order to protect itself. And the backlash with every “yes”, we get endorphins — the hormones of happiness.
Some people have to consume chocolate and engage in intense sports in order to feel joy, but it turns out that you can get it even easier … So, giving a positive answer, a person receives endorphins, which makes him more relaxed, he loses vigilance and can even feel trust, at least At least, he definitely doesn’t want to fight and argue. Having caught this moment, an experienced manipulator can easily achieve his goal.
It is usually used in sales, as it creates the illusion that the client and the seller are on friendly terms, which is why the consultant will definitely not advise bad things, and will help make the right choice, and moreover, he will also tell you what the visitor needs and needs.
Did you know that children are skilled manipulators when they are small — they own a whole arsenal of techniques, and, growing up, gradually lose some of them due to the fact that they used only a few that worked directly for those who cared for them. So, the rule of «three yes» is well known to them, only in practice.
Example with children
Many of you will remember examples of their attempts to influence you, similar to this:
- Mom, have I been good today?
- Yes honey, okay
- So I’m obedient to you, right?
- Yes, my dear
- And do you love me so much?
- Well, of course, I love you very much.
- Strongly overpowering?
- Yes, very strongly
- Can I buy a new puzzle then?
Recommendations
To master this method, you need to practice a little on your own, and then try to quietly use it in communicating with people you know, at first, trying to persuade them to their point of view, if they are a little in doubt about which side to take. After you feel that you have mastered it to perfection, you can proceed to more difficult tasks, trying, for example, to gently “force” to do what you want.
But in order to reach this level, do the following exercises:
Exercise 1
Recall a recent story when you approached someone with a request, but were refused. Remembered? Now try to analyze your behavior to find the mistakes you made. To do this, answer the following questions:
- In what tone did you speak to him? In what mood were you at that moment? And the interlocutor? This is very important, if you ignore the emotional state, it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or another person, you won’t be able to make contact with him. Suppose someone upset you, and you allowed yourself a raised tone towards him, do you think you would want to go to a meeting in this case?
- Have you taken into account the interests of the person with whom you communicated? It’s strange to offer eyeglasses to someone who sees perfectly, right?
- How did you behave? Asked questions, or demanded to fulfill the desired? When a person feels pressure, he tries to resist it, in extreme cases, he concedes if he does not know how to defend his boundaries, but then he will try to avoid your company in the future.
Exercise 2
Now come up with a few options that could help correct the situation, just simulate a dialogue based on the following points:
- What could be interesting to your interlocutor, imagine yourself in his place. This technique allows you to understand what is happening to another person, the motives of his actions and even feelings.
- Formulate the beginning of the conversation in such a way that it seems interesting and profitable to the opponent.
- Reformulate your demands and requests into closed questions, that is, those to which it is possible to give only a short answer «yes» or «no». But, given the fact that it is important for us to get a positive result of the conversation, form phrases based on the principle of «three yes».
And remember that they must be logically related to each other, otherwise you will get nonsense like this:
— You are a man?
— Yes
— Do you have a name?
— Well, yes…
– Buy a microwave oven?
And yet, be careful, perhaps the person you are communicating with is not a layman, and is well versed in matters of influence on the interlocutor, which will instantly “bite you down”, which will lead to the collapse of your idea. Try to ask questions in a non-intrusive way so that they are not too obvious and do not arouse suspicion. If you are nervous and worried at this moment, the opponent unconsciously «considers» your state, gestures and facial expressions are believed more than words. That’s why practice is needed.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! To learn other ways that help achieve goals, I suggest looking at the article “Socrates’ Maieutics Method: The Art of Overcoming Contradictions”. With it, you will be able to convince your opponent that you are right, refuting all his arguments, no matter if they are truthful and accurate or not. Take care of yourself and loved ones!