Embarrassment and annoyance sometimes prevent parents from telling their child about their financial difficulties, says psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. But for children, these problems themselves are not as important as the atmosphere in the family.
GALIYA NIGMETZHANOVA, leading psychologist at the Moscow psychological center for family support “Contact”.
“Firing, salary cuts, divorce – different situations sometimes force us to change the usual course of family life. We are reviewing the items of expenditure: we can no longer afford something for ourselves or our children – and this is painful. It is better to start a conversation with a child on this difficult topic when the first strong emotions subside a little. Children, especially small ones, are sensitive to our mood: they are more likely to be frightened by our intonation than the meaning of what was said. Ask yourself: What am I most afraid of right now? What’s the worst that could happen if the situation doesn’t change soon?” So it will be easier for you to assess the real scale of the problem – after all, the fear of change, self-doubt prevent us from seeing the situation objectively. Children are not afraid of the decline in their standard of living, but above all the despair and helplessness of their parents. They can spend the summer in the country or wait with a new model of mobile, but the feeling of the precariousness of the support they internally rely on is too hard for them to endure. Speak calmly and honestly, this will help the child perceive the situation as unpleasant, but not catastrophic. Together with your teenager, discuss how the family budget will now be distributed and what efforts this will require from everyone. But the preschooler should also be clear about what of his usual entertainment will remain unchanged, and what will have to be reconsidered. Children greatly value our trust and will be proud, realizing themselves as full-fledged participants in the family business. It is important for a child to know that parents actively respond to events and do not follow the situation. Changes for the better will not happen by themselves, you need to act, and not lose heart or limit yourself in everything. The father lost his job – but he is looking for another one and perceives new circumstances not as a failure, but as a challenge, an opportunity to do something else, perhaps more interesting. Children’s confidence in the future depends on our attitudes and actions, and not on the monthly income of the family.
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“Children and money” Tatiana ArefievaThe book of a child psychologist will help you understand why to involve children in the discussion of the family budget and, more broadly, how to educate them in a reasonable attitude towards money (Rech, 2006).