What does it really mean to “live in the present”? What are the benefits? Warrior Monk Shi Sing Mi explains why we are afraid to set goals, resist change, but are willing to take small steps forward.
“How are you? How are you doing?” is a common question we ask and answer several times a day. But often we do not understand at all what to answer it. What does “how am I doing” mean? What is “I”? So, in order to understand “how I’m doing,” one must first think about what “I” is. Each of us is an ecosystem consisting of three interconnected elements: body, mind and spirit. Therefore, the question “How are you?” breaks down into three: “How do you feel physically?”, “What is the state of your mind?” and “What mood and frame of mind are you in?”.
Pass the tests
- Can you make your life more beautiful?
Imagine the morning of a typical day. Try to rate how you feel on a scale from 1 to 10. Do you wake up with a clear awareness of your tasks and opportunities, get out of bed cheerfully and, full of energy, rush towards a new day? It’s a 10. Can you just barely make yourself open your eyes and crawl out of bed hating the whole world? This is 1. Unfortunately, most people rate their condition in the morning not at 10, which is natural, but not even at 8, but at 5 or 6 out of ten. This sounds depressing, because if a person gives only 50% of his energy to the world, then in return he receives only 50. It is even sadder that most people are used to considering this state to be the norm. As if once the number is in the middle of the scale, then it should be so.
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So why can’t we change things? Moreover, why don’t we want to change it? Because in fact, everything suits us, because we like to be in the middle. We like the feeling of stability and control – over ourselves and over our lives. It seems to us that if we are constantly driven and stressed, if a dozen things hang on us at the same time, it means we are successful, it means we are needed. However, the feeling that we are in control of our lives, that the degree of our workload serves as a measure of success, is the biggest illusion. Of course, we cannot radically change our lives and suddenly become a different person, free from social obligations. But we can change the little things that always depend only on us. These are “small steps”.
What keeps most of us at five or six or seven? Illness, hunger, lack of a roof over your head? If we are not sick, if we have arms and legs, if we can see and hear, if we have a home and food, then our main needs are met and there is no serious reason to feel like a 5 or 6. In the middle of the scale we are little things hold us back: petty dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction with oneself or others, and most importantly, force of habit.
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How does the idea of ”small steps” work? Try to make a list of habits that you would like to remove from your life and a list of habits that you would like to acquire. Choose one from the first list and start getting rid of it. Come up with some material “anchor” for her: for example, put a bracelet on your hand and mentally “tie” it, let’s say, the habit of biting. Every time you feel like eating a lollipop in the middle of the day, you will feel the bracelet on your hand and remember that you want to eat only three times a day and at the table. And if you still couldn’t resist and bought yourself a Snickers from a vending machine in the middle of a working day, remove the bracelet from one hand and put it on the other. And so – every time you break. Over time, the hand on which the bracelet is worn will change less and less often, until finally it remains on one hand forever. We in Shaolin believe that if the bracelet has lived on one hand for a month, the habit is defeated.
However, in reality it is so difficult to stop complaining or start running in the morning. Why? Because we perceive any change as an abstract goal, as if being at a distance of one thought from it, although in fact many small steps lead us to the goal here-and-now. That is why it is so important to train attentiveness, awareness (mindfulness), that is, to be aware every minute of what and why we are doing. To reach your goal, it is important to enjoy the journey.
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Many people think that thinking about the past and worrying about the future prevent us from living in the present. Others believe that prioritizing the present means no future, as if we only have this day, only this minute – so why not put everything aside and do what you want instead? Both representations are wrong. The past and the future do not disappear anywhere: we learn lessons from the past so as not to make mistakes in the present, and we begin to build plans for the future now.
It is generally accepted that in order to achieve success, you must first set a goal. Some people cannot set a goal for themselves because they are unconsciously afraid of it. And for good reason: the goal is really dangerous! Firstly, it can subjugate your whole life – and at the same time there is no guarantee that in the end you will get exactly what you were striving for. Secondly, because of this idea of the importance of a goal, those who do not yet have one look at their goal-oriented acquaintances and frantically try to find a goal for themselves. But isn’t that what we want to spend our energy on?
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The Shaolin philosophy of change suggests relying not on goals, but on habits. The goal is too big, too far away from us, and sudden large-scale changes are scary. Habits are small steps that are not scary to take. In addition, inevitable difficulties or troubles can make the goal unattainable; but they will not be able to influence your habits, they will not be able to influence you. After all, thinking about the end goal all the time and impatiently waiting for the arrival at the destination is boring! It is much more interesting to observe the change of landscapes on the way and enjoy the journey.
Shi Xing Mi is a 32nd generation Shaolin warrior-monk, head master of the Shaolin Cultural Center in China, founder of the Shaolin Wenhua Europe school and network of Buddhist centers, director-representative of the Shaolin Monastery in international associations. Shi Sing Mi has been the subject of many articles in magazines and newspapers and several television documentaries – BBC, Discovery Channel, Disney XD, Italia1, CCTV.
The open lecture “Changes and Challenges through Shaolin Eyes” was held in Moscow as part of the master’s program “Psychoanalysis and Business Consulting” of the HSE in partnership with FirstGull on January 28, 2016.