How can an infantile person finally grow up

We note right away that we are talking about psychological infantilism, when childish features are noticeable in the behavior of an adult — for example, it is difficult to make decisions or you constantly want someone to take care of you.

Mental infantilism, or immaturity, expressed in mental retardation, is a more complex topic that requires specialist supervision. With psychological infantilism, a person may well work independently.

Characteristics of psychological infantilism

In general, infantilism is the preservation in the psyche and behavior of an adult of the characteristics that are inherent in a child. Remember how small children communicate and behave? They want the world to take care of them and love them selflessly. For mom to hug and kiss her sore knee, for dad to wear around his neck. Let adults solve all problems.

At the same time, children are able to throw a tantrum out of the blue: a dress of the wrong color or you can’t go out in winter without a hat. But if for a three-year-old such a lack of understanding of boundaries and the inability to control oneself and one’s emotions is normal, then infantile adults have a very difficult life. Like the people around them: it is hard to be in the company of an infantile person.

Such people are emotionally immature, often unnecessarily careless and gullible. They have a well-developed fantasy: they invent something that didn’t really exist, replace reality with imagination, and sometimes even ignore real facts. This is an attempt to compensate for their failure. Think of a more comfortable and secure world.

They lack willpower and determination. They succumb to difficulties and give up what they started if they even encounter an obstacle that is not serious for others — and this is not about a single case, but about a style of behavior.

It is difficult for them to make decisions on their own, they often seek help and advice — but in fact they want someone else to decide or do something for them. Adult children are self-centered: it seems to them that the world revolves around them. They may assume that others are constantly discussing them. They live with an eye on others — what will people think?

Infantile people are characterized by reduced criticality towards themselves and increased demands on others. They see a speck in someone else’s eye, but they don’t notice huge logs in their own. They want to be taken care of, but they themselves offer nothing in return — because they are incapable.

Sometimes such people can be very cold and indifferent to the feelings of others. It seems that they do not notice how they hurt or hurt, but if someone makes them uncomfortable, this will not go unnoticed. And they often live in fear of the future. Infantiles do not see it, as if there is no future. Like children, they live only for today.

Why do people become infantile

When a person realizes that he has a problem, he often wants to find the cause. What went wrong and when? But the human psyche is a very complex matter. The same initial data can in different cases influence completely different developments.

However, there are a number of trends in which there is a risk of getting an infantile child, and then an adult. And if you are now raising children yourself, read the next few paragraphs carefully.

Despotic upbringing. Excessive control, a huge number of prohibitions and physical violence can lead to the fact that the child grows up lacking initiative, indecisive, lack of independence. It is difficult for him to make connections with other people and maintain contacts. He depends on his parents and in adulthood continues to look for support in others, often choosing the same cruel controlling people.

No adults around. This is a situation where the children in the family grow like weeds. There seem to be parents, but they do not pay attention to their children: “I brought you into the world, and then you sort it out yourself somehow.” But the problem is that a child is not able to figure it out without an adult — he needs a moral guide, a person who will help build ethical attitudes and form a system of values. Children who grow up without supervision eventually grow into adults who do not fully understand social roles and cannot imagine a clear picture of their future.

Giperopeka. A completely polar situation: parents (more often mother) overprotect children, do not allow them to make mistakes or explore the world. As a result, we get self-centered and passive adults who easily give up what they started because, in principle, they are unable to strain and overcome difficulties. All my life, my mother did everything and decided for them, and this skill is simply not developed.

Prolonged emotional and/or social frustration. The child craves love and participation, but he got cold, distant parents who do not care about him. Or the child constantly feels worse than friends or classmates — for example, the family has a more modest financial situation.

In general, a person grows up with an insurmountable obstacle that does not allow satisfying desires or needs, and as a result, this model is fixed in the behavior: «I’m not good enough, I can’t get anything in life.»

I am «infantile». What to do?

In varying degrees, infantilism can be traced in most people. Surely, reading the characteristic features of infantile adults at the beginning of the text, you noted something to yourself — yes, it is also difficult for me to make decisions. I am also very dependent on the opinions of others. However, if this does not interfere with your life and does not cause inconvenience to loved ones, then everything is in order.

If you see that your life is seriously suffering, and the reason for this is precisely infantility, this is an occasion to think about working on yourself. Of course, it is impossible to change your past, to have a childhood that you did not have, or other parents. However, there is a way to get rid of your infantilism. And the main thing here is not just to read articles and books on the topic, but to act.

In general, the worst thing that an infantile can do on the way to “healing” is to buy a dozen books on the topic, start reading psychologists’ blogs and look for magical advice and the secret complex meaning of their problem in them. He is not. There is no secret. There is no magic cure for infantilism. Everything is much simpler: you need to start acting.

Three steps to adulthood

1. Take responsibility. This is what infantile people lack so much. The ability to be responsible for the consequences of one’s actions and choices.

Life is just a series of such actions and choices. No matter how much you want to transfer all the worries and decisions to other people’s shoulders, the responsibility will always lie with you. And if your life flies into hell, it was you who sent it there. Not society, not circumstances, not parents, not husband or girlfriends.

Everything that is happening in your life now is due to your actions in the past. How to take responsibility? Try to stop and think about what will happen to you in five years if you continue to do what you are doing now. Look at three areas: health, career (money), personal life (relationships). No one will come and save you, no one will change the world for you — only you can do it yourself.

2. Bring the case to an end. Infantile people quit what they started as soon as it becomes difficult. At the same time, they often initially set the bar too high, and then, when they give up, they begin to feel sorry for themselves or get angry. Familiar situation?

Feeling like a miserable sufferer is psychologically beneficial. Life gets some meaning: “I try, but the circumstances are again against me. I try again and I fall again.”

But let’s be honest: you yourself are putting yourself into this cycle. Initially, you set impossible conditions, dooming yourself to failure and failure. So just take the nearest target and go to it. Your task is to reach, and not to choose a prettier goal.

Master the art of small steps: break your path down into manageable, simple steps and celebrate the accomplishment of each micro-goal. This way you can develop the skill of getting things done. And in the end, you will not only reach the goal, but also learn not to quit what you started halfway.

3. First think, then speak or act. Infantile people often inadvertently injure others because they do not know how to read other people’s emotions and / or do not control their own. Next time, before you respond with something harsh or act recklessly, take a pause of ten seconds. Try to analyze your own and other people’s reactions. Practice communicating nonviolently.

There are no more secrets, you only need to take three steps to grow up, but it is important not only to read about them and continue to live your old life, but to start acting. Only through decisive steps can you grow up.