Contents
How being unfaithful can make you fall in love with your partner again
Couple
Some women say that after being unfaithful to their husbands, their marital relationship has improved
Infidelity, a taboo with thousands of years of existence, is one of those situations that is repeated with astonishing frequency, even if it is always in the shadows. So much so, that according to data provided by Ashley Madison, an application that matches people looking for an extramarital affair, there is an average of more than 16.000 infidelities per month only in Spain, and more than 1,25 million worldwide.
But inside the shame and secrecy of infidelity, there is one more part affected by stigma of deception: women. And it is they who are judged most harshly. “It is very curious because there is a social image that if a man is unfaithful, he is an envied man, but if it is a woman who is, it is a woman with a dubious reputation,” explains psychologist Lara Ferreiro, expert in couple relations and sexology.
The professional explains how a study carried out by the European Infidelity Observatory determined that 77% of women perceive that socially they are much more “crushed” than men when committing an infidelity. «It is even the woman herself who perceives that an infidelity of a woman than that of a man “, says Ferreiro and explains:” There are studies at European level that affirm that four out of 10 women consider their infidelity much more serious than that of men, so it is evident that yes, there is a stigma greater on women ».
The difference between unfaithful men and women does not only lie in the perception of each one. According to the data collected by the aforementioned application, as explained by its manager for the European market, Christoph Kraemer, women tend to be younger than men when they decide to commit an infidelity: 71% of them are between 30 and 49 years old, while the bulk of unfaithful men (67,5%) are between 40 and 59 years old.
Likewise, Kraemer explains that “three out of four women have their first affair in the first four years of marriage”, while in the case of men, “it is usually later”, for example, “21,7 % of them do not start the extramarital career until after 10 years of marriage ”. Something in which both genders do coincide is that in the vast majority of cases “They usually have only one lover”.
How does it affect a partner?
It is interesting to analyze the effect that infidelity has on a couple, since as experts point out, it does not always have to be negative. “As reflected in the study that they have carried out in the application, there are several advantages. Infidelity helps compensate for that emotional lack that unfaithful people may not have with their partner, so they generally dissipate their marital conflicts, “says Lara Ferreiro.
«Many women, after starting an adventure, feel very good with your family, and on a personal level this allows them to reinforce the ego, to feel those again attraction emotions, get out of their routine or experience new things, “says the psychologist. The women themselves also affirm it: 22% of the unfaithful women interviewed in the study stated that they felt happier in their marriage after having been unfaithful.
Why are they unfaithful?
A change in the paradigm that professionals have detected is that the motivation of women has turned. In a study of the application itself, it has been highlighted that the main reason why women are unfaithful is because they seek sexual satisfaction. “For us, the fact that the claim for sexual satisfaction came out as the first motive has come as a surprise,” says Christoph Kraemer. «Until just a few years ago women used to give more sentimental reasons. I think this data shows that a new sexual revolution has started among women ”, she says.
“It is true that in the case of women, infidelity is usually more emotional, although now it can be seen that they also seek pleasure,” says psychologist Lara Ferreiro.
In the case of men, the psychologist explains that the causes that motivate infidelity are far from those of women: «In this case it may be due to the physical impulse, looking for casual sex; also the impulse of the ego, which means, when age takes its toll and they have that desire to be who they were ». The professional also emphasizes that “unfaithful men with great purchasing power tend to cheat more easily on their partners” and gives a fact: men with a salary that is far from that of their partner are five times more likely to commit an infidelity than men who have a partner with a similar salary.