Smart, mature, wealthy and… single in marriage. They become easy prey for gigolos who, by manipulating feelings, extract considerable sums from their victims and, without batting an eyelid, are ready to destroy someone’s life for the sake of their own enrichment. Is there a standard scenario for the development of events and how to get out of it?
A woman in her forties came to the reception. She hoped to get rid of sex addiction. Her young lover, in all respects, fit the description of a gigolo — a professional hunter for wealthy ladies, living at their expense.
This relationship with a man fifteen years younger than her, which lasted three years, destroyed the woman, but she, in her own words, «could not help herself.» She almost completely stopped sleeping, lost weight, looks clearly tired and unhealthy. She became indifferent to children, irritable and even rude towards her husband, completely lost interest in sex with him.
And when her lover once again disappeared for several days, ceasing to answer her calls and messages, she was visited by a fit of anxiety: “It was as if my soul was being torn apart from jealousy and despair.” Neither the problems of children, nor communication with friends, nor shopping — nothing could distract from these thoughts.
Our heroine — let’s call her Alina — got married quite early in modern times — at 22, to a man three years older. By that time, she had a difficult life behind her: an alcoholic father, who was rude and unceremonious with his daughter, an eternally unhappy and tired mother, who almost single-handedly took care of three children.
Alina was the eldest in the family. From childhood, she had to help her mother, take care of her younger brother and sister. At seventeen, she left home in search of a better life. But, despite her bright appearance and active attention from men, she never felt valuable, significant, and did not even consider herself beautiful.
An unresolved parent-child conflict: a burning resentment towards her father and mother, a feeling of being unloved, needed only to help loved ones, pushed Alina into contact with the “wrong men”. They showed interest only in her body, were rude and disrespectful, while she was looking for love and recognition.
All these stories led her even more into an emotional dead end.
When the children became independent, the woman felt empty. She was in dire need of love and attention.
And finally, on the way, he met a man who felt sympathy for her and a desire to protect her. She didn’t love him. She didn’t even know what love was. But next to him, she became calmer, the hope for human life, prosperity, for beautiful clothes, which she had never had, dawned.
Years passed next to the unloved person, the husband of our heroine during this time built a serious business, provided the family with a very high standard of living and was proud of it. However, he did not suspect what price he would have to pay for the fact that for twenty years he had been solely occupied with developing a business and earning money, which would make him and his wife potential targets for professional hunters.
He never limited his wife in anything — neither in money, nor in travel, nor in shopping. But he rarely shared his thoughts and feelings, not considering her a valuable interlocutor on business issues, and sex had long since become rare, quick and unpretentious.
When the children became independent, the woman felt an emptiness in her life. She could not define these sensations, but she was sorely lacking love, attention, vivid emotions, feelings … A new car and shopping pleased no more than two days. Several times I tried to talk about this with my husband, but he did not understand anything and did not catch the alarm signal.
It was here that the young lover entered the scene.
He unmistakably sensed the emotional crisis of this already middle-aged and very wealthy woman. It was not difficult for him to deftly seduce her.
First of all, he provoked her to emotions. She had never heard so many beautiful and tender words, so many compliments in her entire life. So touching no one in life wiped her tears, kissed every finger. And sex with a «professional» for the first time made it possible to experience a real deep orgasm.
In addition, the manipulator, who himself lived a difficult childhood and youth, but became not a target, but a hunter, skillfully tied the victim to himself by talking about her unusualness, about their joint happy future.
Such an attitude of a man who is 17 years younger fueled the woman’s hope that a miracle was about to happen and she would finally merge with someone with whom she felt valued and loved. Gigolo became for her the closest and dearest person.
Unconsciously, he built himself into the role of the ideal Parent, which a woman never had. She wanted to take care of her new acquaintance, who had become extremely important to her. She dressed him lavishly, bought a nice car, rented an expensive apartment for meetings. Together they built a plan to «escape» to a new life.
Alina got ready for another plastic surgery, believing that this would keep her attractive to her young lover. He harassed her, giving more and more reasons for jealousy, which she «filled with tears and money.»
We need to warm the little girl inside the adult woman and help her understand that she is valuable.
The plastic surgeon made her understand that the operation in this case would not help, because the problems lie in a completely different plane.
Dying from the absence of her hero (he had rekindled interest in herself, he again disappeared for several days), Alina read a book about emotional dependence, which was recommended by her only friend, and suddenly she clearly understood that she really needed help, only not a plastic surgeon, but psychotherapist. So she ended up in my office.
If a woman did not realize that the problem needed to be solved, she would completely destroy her health, family, and, possibly, jeopardize the reputation and financial well-being of her husband.
Manipulators, taking advantage of the affection and desperation of the victim, often extract huge sums from them. What will you not give up for the preservation of the last hope for happiness? Alas, in this case, hope is a dangerous illusion.
In order to heal a trauma, it must first be identified. To warm the little girl inside the confused adult woman and help her understand that she is valuable, regardless of age and amount of attention from men.
Alina will have a deep, painstaking analytical psychotherapy. A wounded soul is not easy to heal. But the wounds will heal. And when such a woman begins to love and appreciate herself, not a single tempter will be dangerous for her. Because she just won’t need it.
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