Our heroine has been working as a psychologist for more than 12 years, and more recently she has been advising clients as a sexologist. Today she will tell you how you can work and be successful in the profession, despite the lack of vision.
I was born in Siberia, near Krasnoyarsk. I have been blind since birth. Educated as a psychologist at Novosibirsk State University. She worked a lot in the field of rehabilitation of people addicted to alcohol and drugs, as well as on helplines. Now I am a private consultant.
In addition, it is important for me to provide support to those who cannot afford paid consultations. As a volunteer, I work with several charitable projects: “Helping others, you help yourself”, “We are near 2020.rf”, which provide free crisis psychological assistance.
I am also a mentor at the Act Foundation and write feature articles for the Un Certain Regard portal of the Arts, Science and Sports Charitable Foundation, which provides assistance to blind people.
How I got into sexology
My path as a practicing sexologist began relatively recently — during the pandemic, more free time appeared in order to receive additional education and expand my competence. Previously, in our country, sexologists were exclusively doctors, and people with serious pathologies turned to them only. Now sexology has begun to actively develop as a separate specialty, and it is possible to practice it without having a medical base.
Sexology interests me primarily as a woman. In the process of training, many techniques had to be worked out on myself and on my spouse, which became an additional plus in our relationship.
There is a myth that the pleasure in sex is received mainly by the man, and the woman follows his desires.
Of course it isn’t! It is important for any woman to know herself, what she likes in sex, and what she definitely doesn’t. Today you are studying your erogenous zones, and tomorrow you are learning to build personal boundaries in relationships with a partner. These areas are closely related. You need to learn to recognize your desires and understand that you have the right and opportunity to tell your partner about them, and not do what makes you uncomfortable.
Is sexology popular now?
The era in which I grew up did not involve sex education. It is hard to imagine that then parents would talk to their children about sex. Subsequently, this led not only me, but also many people to natural errors. So, for many, the experience of the first sex was very traumatic. Due to the fact that once it didn’t work out, a person can withdraw into himself for many years or completely delete sex from his life.
Nevertheless, it is still embarrassing to go to consultations with a sexologist, and no one will talk about it over a cup of coffee. Yes, the media have been actively warming up this topic in recent years, saying that one should not be ashamed of oneself and one’s problems. But in reality, going to such a specialist is not easy even for young people, and there is nothing to say about the older generation.
Therefore, sexologists not only advise, but also educate people. We tell parents about sex education, couples about improving sexual communication in a couple. So far, women are turning to us more often, but among men, interest in this topic is gradually growing.
Features of my work
I prefer to consult internally — it helps a lot in my work. True, in recent years, online counseling has become increasingly popular.
On the one hand, it is very convenient: no matter what city or country you live in. But when a person is at home, it is more difficult for him to concentrate, because there are always distractions: the phone rang, the dog barked, the children ran around the apartment. Naturally, it is generally impossible to talk about your sexual problems in such an atmosphere.
However, if a person really needs help, he will find ways to get it. In my practice, there are times when people come up with excuses for loved ones: they go into the car, walk on the street or sit in the garage to calmly talk to me one on one.
Of course, eye contact is very important, but there are many other sources of information for me.
In particular, over the years of practice, I have learned to listen very well. Most of the actions can be recognized: whether someone clenches his hand into a fist from tension, rustles, pulls on a piece of clothing, taps his fingers. When I draw the attention of clients to this, many are surprised.
I heard such a phrase in my address: «It is very difficult to deceive you.» This is because a person is used to lying with gestures: a smile, eyes or characteristic looks. I evaluate information and speech by intonation, emotions — and in the case of verbal communication, lies are more difficult to hide. Due to the lack of a picture, I completely focus on the voice and go into what the person tells me, what feelings they put into it.
People sometimes refuse video consultations because they feel like they are being looked at more closely.
This is a kind of TV effect: they are shown to someone, and they are not just broadcasting, but also talking about themselves some secret or, from their personal point of view, indecent things. And here it is just much easier for me to work, since sighted colleagues-sexologists are used to seeing a person in front of them.
I do not hide the lack of vision from my clients — a person can decide for himself how important this is for him. If he has questions, we say them right away, and this helps to relieve tension. For a very long time there were no such cases when a person refused to work together after learning that I was blind. Much more important is the experience that I have and what tools I have as a professional.