How a dog helped my client beat depression

Some time ago, a 35-year-old man came to see me – a well-educated, successful businessman, one of those whose life consists only of work. Incredibly responsible, demanding of himself and his employees, he considers this the basis of success.

By the time of his visit to me, he had already felt for a year that his apathy was growing every day, his involvement in new projects was decreasing … Despite the great achievements in business, he was not happy with them, but, on the contrary, was sinking deeper into depression, completely her reasons. Anxious thoughts about death began to flicker.

Examination in the clinic did not reveal any somatic diseases. Our psychotherapy progressed with a creak. He berated himself for his inefficiency. He refused to see the connection of his present state with the past.

Sergey (that’s his name) said that he remembers practically nothing about his childhood, and, like a mantra, he repeated that everything was like everyone else, nothing special: his parents were demanding of his studies, they themselves worked hard. The man had no personal relationships, and he insisted that evolutionarily they had become obsolete. Household helper easily solves all household tasks. Secretary – organizational. What about sex? Only hard, and only with unfamiliar women, without attachments and emotions.

One day he came to the session and saw Zetta, my “chocolate” Labrador, who, as usual, lay peacefully in my office on her rug near the fireplace.

So this time, Zetta approached the man, joyfully greeted him, waving her tail. And suddenly he abruptly moved away and dryly asked to take Zetta to the waiting room. I, of course, led away, showing respect for the personal boundaries of my client. No one is obliged to endure, much less rejoice at my dog. When I returned, I noticed that the client was looking somewhere into the distance. There was no life in his eyes, no feelings in them.

I gently asked him, “You don’t like dogs?”

“Dogs are good! I do not like being touched, all sorts of veal tenderness! Ugh!” my client responded sharply. Oh, finally emotions. I have long nurtured the hypothesis of violence hidden in the unconscious of this man. I understood that he had once been roughly touched, or even beaten at all, thus defiling the inviolability of his body and physical tenderness as such.

My intuition worked, it was time to go for broke. Looking into his eyes, I asked him directly: “Sergei, were you beaten as a child?” His brain did not have time to work and turn on the usual protection. There were tears in my eyes. “Yes. It was an educational tool,” he replied.

“Who did it?” – “Father. stick. And his mother supported him, ”the man answered in a trembling voice. “Did you cry then?” I asked carefully. “Not. Dad would say that I’m not a man, ”my client reported dryly. “Crying in pain is completely natural for both men and women. Especially for children, when they are unfairly and cruelly offended,” I said.

This meeting was a turning point. Zetta’s touch, my gentle but direct questions, unearthed unexpectedly painful memories in this strong man’s memory. He diligently forced out childhood trauma for many years. Parents, as it turned out, punished him with beatings even for fours.

Of course, he became a perfectionist, it helped him survive then, and he unconsciously carried this strategy into his adult life. This man did not want any spiritual intimacy or gentle touches with anyone. He shut down and stopped trusting anyone. This is the root cause of depression.

Our need for love, emotional and physical intimacy does not disappear, even if we do not realize it because of the traumas inflicted on us in childhood. Left unsatisfied for years, it drains energy and ultimately robs our lives of meaning.

Once again in my office, he did not drive her away when she gently laid her face in his lap. Just froze and sat for a few seconds. Then he lightly stroked her head, saying goodbye. And the next time I noticed that she was gone. And it was evident that he was worried: was she ill?

Over and over again, their relationship became more open and warm. He began to feel tenderness from touching Zetta and even remembered that at the age of three he dreamed of a dog, but received a harsh rejection from his parents. I saw how his soul and body “thawed”. The therapy went very dynamically. Zetta has become an integral part of it.

And six months later, my client told me that for the first time he had a girlfriend, to whom he feels trust and tenderness. Lord, a miracle happened! Zetta and psychotherapy gave a person the opportunity to trust and love.