We marked this letter with a sticker “Cry, laugh,” and, to be honest, we are still thinking about which of the humorists to sell this monologue to. We present it almost without abbreviations.
Good afternoon, editorial staff and readers of WDay.ru! You often publish someone’s letter, and I am very interested if you will publish mine. So. I don’t know if there is a Society of Anonymous Cleansers in Russia, but if there is, I would definitely become an honorary member there. I can see right away: I am sitting on a carefully washed and ironed bedspread, more reminiscent of a white festive tablecloth, and I say: “My name is Natasha, and I am pure-headed!”, And everyone applauds happily.
In the Russian language there are a dozen synonyms for the word “wash”: scrub, clean, wash, scrub, fig, and so on. But all of them pale in front of my knowledge of cleaning methods: wet, dry, general, with and without a robot vacuum cleaner, cleaning after construction and during repairs, cleaning in a house where there are newborns and where the elderly live. I think you already understand how bad things are with me. Probably, I would be an excellent master in the team of cleaners if I knew how to restrain emotions and did not start saying from the very start: “What kind of slovens * (the word was replaced by a more decent one by the editors) they live here!”
Even a little dirt in the house terrifies Natasha
So that you understand the degree of my cleanliness, even when I come to visit, I start scrubbing other people’s stoves and sinks. Would have reached the toilets, but it becomes scary for the reaction of the owners and for their own safety.
It was just this last cleaning in my brother’s apartment that became the reason for our quarrel with him. I had to turn over with my brother for two hours. He left the keys in advance and calmly left for work, asking not to touch things. Entering the apartment, I proceeded to the kitchen in the hope of having some tea. AND ABOUT! How naive I was !!!
Before drinking tea at the table of this little pig, I had to clean his cups with soda (they had a terrible tea residue), then carefully wipe the table and even wash the tablecloth (some old stains were clearly visible on it). Having finished with this and realizing that it would be nice to wash the kettle too (I always have a melamine sponge in my purse for this case), I poured a solution of citric acid into it so that perennial scale peeled off the walls.
Our reader even sent some photos to prove her words.
- Photo Shoot:
- personal archive of our reader
But even that turned out to be not the worst. Brother’s kitchen table is near the stove. And there was DIRT on the stove! No, though. It had FAT, INCIDENCE, SOUT, FOOD REMAINS, and everything else on it. If archaeologists had been excavating here, they would have commented on it something like this: “Hmm … look, two years ago the chicken was actually nuclear – it almost did not decompose”, “Just look !!! You see it too ??? Boiled milk … But it seems that a new life has already arisen in it, which will now take over our entire camp. “
What tea !!! With my eyes closed, I went into the bathroom (there is just a terribly dirty toilet bowl, and I didn’t have enough time to clean it), drank water right from the tap and started cleaning.
I watered the stove with dishwashing detergent and rubbed it with sponges. The stove shook, but did not wash off. She cleaned with knives and sprayed with toilet bowl cleaner. The slab gave slack, but still held up. She scraped it with her nails and polished it with a hateful look. The stove was adamant. At that moment, when I decided that it was easier to blow up the stove than to clean it, my brother entered the apartment. Who would have thought, but I was so carried away that instead of two hours in his apartment I spent almost five. The brother was shocked. According to him, the shock came from three things at once: from the fact that you can forget about time, that you can wash one stove for so long and that it can be cleaned at all! It turns out that I really was able to do the almost impossible, than … only upset my brother. For a long time he wanted to throw away the old and poorly working stove in order to buy a new one, and therefore he does not particularly take care of it.
“It’s happiness that you haven’t looked into the oven yet and didn’t see what’s going on there,” the brother sighed sadly, took the mug I had washed and poured into it … water from a kettle in which citric acid was dissolved …
In such cases, when describing the situation, it is customary to say that only the prepositions “in” and “on” were not abusive at that moment, as well as the words “went from here” and “abnormal”
In short, we have not communicated with my brother for three weeks. And all this time I think whether he has already bought a new stove or again brought the old one to a terrible state.
Do you think that’s all? No matter how it is! In my piggy bank – thousands of similar stories. For example, as at my own wedding, I rushed to sweep the floor, on which the crumbs from the wedding loaf were waking up. Or how she asked for my birthday to give me certificates to household chemicals stores, and she was all sorts of “L’Etoile” and “Rive Goshi”. But what can I say, the hyped Mister Propper is against me – a weakling who can only wave a rag about.
Our reader is even ready to wash the toilets in other people’s apartments, but she is afraid of the violent reaction of the homeowners
By the way, recently I decided to move away from using traditional cleaning products and try folk ones. For example, plaque on kettles and pots can be washed off well with a mixture of dishwashing detergent, baking soda, and a drop of vinegar. The main thing is not to over-chemise. Otherwise, it won’t take long to invent a bomb.
And now for what I wrote this letter. Are there such neat people among the readers of my favorite site WDay.ru? Advise how to clean the plastic from the tape? Do not offer soap solution, eraser and rubbing alcohol, I have already used them. The effect is not the same. Thanks. I look forward to advice. Best regards, Natasha Morovaya.