Holding hands: what body language says

When we try to take someone by the hand, we invade his personal space, this should always be remembered. This zone can be thought of as an air bubble that each of us inflates and compresses depending on the circumstances. And we would rather agree to narrow its boundaries in a crowded subway car than, say, in an office.

Define the boundaries of personal space

The dimensions of personal space depend on the origin of a person, his social status, personal preferences, culture, as well as the degree of acquaintance with those who approach him. According to the American anthropologist Edward T. Hall, on average, up to 0,5 m is occupied by an intimate zone intended for the closest; from 0,5 m to 1,2 m – a personal zone for communicating with close friends, from 1,2 m to 3,7 m – a social zone suitable for business communication. Violation of these boundaries by outsiders makes us feel uncomfortable.

For this reason, it would be right to keep a distance at the beginning of a relationship. And touching another person’s hand – even if it’s not a romantic gesture at all – preferably at the right time and in the right situation. Your attempt to touch someone you just met may annoy the other person, although he will smile sweetly in response, not wanting to offend you. As the relationship develops, we allow the other closer to our intimate zone.

Find out the intentions of the interlocutor

An easy way to find out if the other person is ready to let you into their personal space is to move your personal items closer to him (for example, a purse, a notebook, cigarettes). Such objects are perceived by others as an extension of our body. When you sit with someone at the same table, you observe the unspoken rule that half the table is at your disposal, and half is the space of the other person.

An outsider will most likely perceive the “intrusion” of your objects into their territory with irritation, and you will notice his discomfort. Only close friends, family members and lovers do not pay attention to these movements. If a woman pushes her bag closer to a man, this may be a sign that she likes him and would like a closer relationship.

Consider cultural differences

Like all non-verbal gestures, tactile contact is perceived differently in different cultures. In the West, holding hands is a romantic gesture. When we see two people joining their palms, we can easily assume that they have a close relationship. So, if you don’t want to be misunderstood, don’t hold hands with people who don’t interest you, even if they are the first to make contact.

Many Western men do not take each other’s hand for fear of being mistaken for homosexuals. But in Arab culture, this is a friendly gesture that has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

What does this gesture say? When a man takes a woman by the hand, it can also mean several things:

• romantic affection and deep connection;
• insecurity or fear of losing her;
• trying to calm her down when she’s upset;
• superiority – he is the one who plays the main role in the relationship;
• an attempt to show the whole world that she belongs to him and only him;
• show off;
• he is proud to be seen next to this woman, but this does not mean that he values ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbhis relationship with her.

Higher or stronger?

Most body language books will tell you that when partners hold hands, the leader’s hand is always on top of the pair. However, a study by psychologists at Temple University (Philadelphia), conducted back in 1998, showed that there may be other factors that affect the way we hold hands:

Gender: the hand of a man in a heterosexual couple is much more likely to be above the hand of a woman (regardless of their relationship).

Height: in a pair where the man is taller or the same height as his partner, his hand is on top more often than in a pair where the man is shorter than the woman.

What to do if the beloved does not want to take your hand?

Walking the streets by the hand is not a pleasure for everyone. Many do not consider it necessary to publicly demonstrate their feelings, no matter how deep they may be. If your husband or wife avoids such poetic scenes, this does not mean that he (she) does not love you. Most likely, it is difficult for him to relax in public places. Perhaps he (she) is afraid that, having discovered his love for you, he will look weak (oh), vulnerable (oh), infantile (oh). Changing such a belief is not easy, but you can try the following:

1. Before grabbing your companion by the hand in public, conduct the experiment described above to see if he is set up for tactile contact with you in principle. If he keeps his distance, don’t take it personally. Instead of being offended, gently explain that the touch of loved ones is soothing and makes you feel better.
2. Work on your relationship in general: If you don’t feel like hugging and touching each other when you’re alone, it’s hard to expect that desire to show up in public.
3. Be honest with yourself: do you want to hold your partner’s hand in public because you love him or because you want to show others that this is your boyfriend (your girlfriend)? Or to prove that you have power over him? If your intentions are not pure, your partner may feel resentful.

Source: psychology.com