His grandfather died

You just lost your father. How will a child who loved his grandfather very much and never faced death take this news?

Just tell him about it. Parents are often afraid to tell their child about the death: it seems to them that he will not cope with the emotional shock. But for the child himself, it is much more terrible when a misfortune has occurred, but he is not told about it: the state of uncertainty and anxiety is more difficult to endure than sad certainty. Therefore, it is advisable to report the death of a loved one immediately. How exactly? Truly and simply. Avoid euphemisms like “grandfather went on a long trip” that would make you think that he will return. Say, for example, that grandfather died because his heart stopped beating, and that this is a great grief for you, but you will always remember him. Some children will be satisfied with the answer. Others will ask many questions: “What will happen to him now?”; “Will they bury him?”; “And what will he breathe there?”… You should not ignore them – answer based on your own picture of the world and the values ​​you live by.

Let me express my grief. For children under 5 years of age, death is an abstract concept, an older child begins to realize its irreversibility, but his reaction largely depends on closeness with the deceased person. If the child begins to cry, is angry at death or the doctors who did not save the grandfather, give him the opportunity to express the pain. Hug him or take him in your arms, admit that you are sad too, do not forbid yourself to cry with him. This teaches the child not to devalue close relationships and grieve together. If he returns to the game as if nothing had happened, it means that the emotional impact is too strong: he is defensive and will no doubt react later, when the shock has passed. Talk to him sometimes about your grief, so that he will allow himself to talk about his own.

Invite him to go to the funeral. The farewell ceremony is an important ritual that unites the family, allows you to exchange memories, turn the page. You can invite the child to go with you, but explain to him all the stages of the ceremony in advance. Participating in a shared goodbye is not dangerous, it will help the child accept dying as part of life and, as a result, be less afraid of death. But if he refuses or shows great anxiety, don’t insist.

To live on. Talk to your child about your grandfather, tell him stories from life, leaf through photo albums together. Do not be afraid of childish longing and tears: they help the child feel the presence of a departed person in his heart. Experiencing someone’s death, he meets with the finiteness of life and truly begins to appreciate what he has now – your relationship with him, life itself.