Crazy passion, jealousy, forbidden love can cause severe mental discord, up to mental pathology, says psychiatrist Frank Tallis. In Incurable Romantics, he describes several client cases. We are publishing a fragment of the story of 40-year-old Megan, whose sudden love has acquired the features of a painful disorder, erotomania.
Assistant lawyer, 40-year-old Megan lived in a happy marriage with Phil for twenty years, but one day she went to a dentist for a consultation and instantly fell in love with him. Moreover, she felt confident that Daman Verma (that was the name of the doctor) reciprocated her. Megan thought about Verma day and night until she took decisive action. She began calling him, first at the clinic, then at home, where he lived with his wife, Agni, and their two children.
“Meghan wrote long, detailed letters to Verma every day, offering solutions and begging for recognition of their love, which cannot be ignored and cannot be avoided. He will not find happiness until he admits his true feelings. What’s the use of pretending like it’s not true? No one will dare to reproach him – they cannot be reproached both, and for what? After all, something grandiose, something beautiful and incredible has happened, and there is no going back.
Without fear, they must step forward towards a common future. Their lives will never be the same again. To live apart means to turn into empty, faded shadows. But not only their future is at stake, you need to think about the future of the spouses. Do not keep Philip and Agni in the dark and fool their heads. They are kind people and deserve pure love, not a fake marriage.
Meghan was the victim of a rare but well-known mental disorder – Clerambault syndrome.
“I was waiting outside the clinic where he worked. Waited several hours. And when he came out, I rushed to him, – Megan bit her lower lip and fell silent.
– What happened next?
“He didn’t want to talk to me. I told him that I understand everything – everything happened too quickly, and he probably needs time to figure it out. But in the end, I said, he will definitely understand and admit that everything is real.
Verma called Megan’s therapist, who in turn contacted her husband.
What did Philip say when he found out about what had happened?
Megan looked up at the ceiling and put her hand to her lips. The answer was barely audible, but still legible:
– Got upset.
What happened to Megan? Before meeting with Daman Verma, she led a measured life: work, weekends, joint leisure with her husband. But everything changed in the blink of an eye. Megan was a victim of a rare but well-known mental disorder – Clerambault syndrome, which was described in detail in 1921 by the French psychiatrist Gaetan de Clerambault. A woman suffering from this disorder falls in love with a man she hardly knows or does not know at all, and believes that he is just as passionately in love with her.
In most cases, the patient claims that the man fell in love with her first. She has this feeling without any real reason or encouragement from her lover. The chosen one – sometimes the term “victim” or “object” is used – is usually older than the woman, of a higher social position or a well-known person. His inaccessibility can whip a woman even more. After the feelings have flared up, obsessive and inappropriate attempts to get closer begin, which disturb and annoy the victims.
Men are also prone to Clerambo’s syndrome, but it overtakes women more often. The exact ratio is unknown; there are approximately three women per man.
… The most famous case in the practice of de Clerambault is a 53-year-old French dressmaker who believed that King George V himself was in love with her. She came to England several times to see him, and each time she waited at the gates of Buckingham Palace. When the dressmaker noticed the movement of the curtains outside the window, she immediately concluded that in this way the king gave her signals. The fact that the king did not make any attempts to meet with her, she explained by the fact that he was trying to deny his feelings. “The king may hate me, but he will never forget me. I will always be in his heart, as well as he in mine.
She suffered from paranoid psychosis. For example, she believed that the king sometimes interferes in her affairs. Clerambault syndrome is often associated with conditions such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.
In Megan’s case, her mediocrity is notable. Nothing in her life foreshadowed what might happen to her. Her example proves once again that when it comes to mental health, we all walk a tightrope. Even a slight breeze can make you lose your balance and fall down.
Daman Verma came to a radical decision – he left with his family for Dubai to a new job
How did Philip react?
– Disappointed. But he didn’t say anything bad. He did not accuse me of betrayal. We talked, I tried to explain everything to him, but he did not understand me. Not to the end. Phil said he loves me and I can always count on him. It was so sad to hear his words.
Because you didn’t love him anymore…
“No, no,” Megan looked at me in horror. I have always loved Phil. Just my feelings for Daman…” She broke off and looked around the room as if looking for some lost item. But then her features hardened, and she looked at me in alarm. “They are completely different, more sublime.
— More spiritual?
– I do not know. Maybe. I don’t know what God’s plan is. But I am absolutely sure that love for Daman is not the same as for Phil: it is stronger, deeper – as if everything should be so.
– As if destined for fate?
– Yes exactly. Destined by fate…
Her husband took Megan to a psychiatrist, who prescribed her pimozide, an antipsychotic to treat her delusional disorder. This drug blocks dopamine receptors in the brain.
The neurotransmitter dopamine is involved in the processes of memory, learning, movement, wakefulness, sleep, regulation and production of certain hormones, but it also causes a feeling of pleasure. It is also called the hormone of happiness. It is not surprising that he is credited with one of the leading roles in the formation of addictions. Dopamine circulation in the brain also influences what, biologically speaking, is called romantic love.
Megan regularly took the prescribed medicine, although she did not believe that her love for Verma, as the psychiatrist decided, was just a symptom of a serious illness. The drug didn’t help. Feelings for Verma have not changed. The psychiatrist increased the dose – no effect. It looks like Meghan’s burning desire has only intensified. She increasingly came to the dental clinic and stood nearby waiting. Sometimes Verma noticed her and sent a secretary to her with a message: go home.
Megan didn’t mind. Yes, and why? She nodded with a smile and walked back to the subway. She looked at the situation as a whole: his rejection did not matter, in the end he would accept his true feelings, and her patience would be rewarded. One afternoon, at five o’clock, Megan saw that the “beloved” left the clinic and went home, and immediately followed him. When he entered the house, she stopped under the lamp opposite the front door and waited, imagining what Verma was doing now. But she was noticed by Agni, who accidentally looked out the window.
A few minutes later, Daman ran out into the street in a rage. He threatened to call the police. Megan decided that he was simply acting out a scene: “He was pretending, he didn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings. But in fact, deep in his heart, he himself wanted me to come to him. Megan didn’t resist. When she was told to go home, she obediently obeyed the order, but this time her behavior alarmed everyone, especially Agni. The Vermas had two children, a boy of eight and a girl of ten, and Agni was worried about their safety. It should be noted that Daman Verma came to a radical decision – he left with his family for Dubai to a new job …
…Did I manage to help Megan? It is impossible to eliminate her problematic situation – to cure Clerambault’s syndrome – but Megan managed to change her attitude to what is happening. She resigned herself to living her life away from Verm, and as far as I know, she never tried to follow him to Dubai. But at the same time she continued to love Daman – and her love will last forever.
Source: F. Tallis “Incurable Romantics. Stories of people who loved too much” (AST 2019).
About the Developer
Frank Tallis is a writer and clinical psychologist. He lectures in clinical psychology at King’s College London. Author of four books on psychology for non-professional readers.