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Loneliness is dangerous to health. Recent studies have shown that lonely older people have reduced activity and desire to perform daily activities and procedures. How to help a loved one regain a taste for life?
There are two peaks of loneliness in a person’s life: one falls on adolescence and subsides with its end, the second – at an age that is called the third. But unlike Russia, in the West active old age is considered the third age. The key word is “active”. Not so long ago, a fourth age began to be distinguished, at which the activity of the elderly decreases. In Russia, old age is traditionally considered a stage of an unconditional decrease in activity, and often a transitional period from maturity to death. Retirement is perceived as a disaster. It is abroad that old people have a second wind, they begin to travel and finally do what they could not afford while earning for old age. In Russia, historically, things have turned out differently.
A country of extremes
“My generation (30-35 years old) now often thinks about saving money for old age. They discuss how and where to open an account, what to invest in. Because they understand that it is impossible to survive on a pension,” explains the existential-humanistic psychotherapist Stanislav Malanin.
A 40-year-old generation has fewer such conversations – these are those who have not yet raised their own children, but already have elderly parents who cannot live on their pensions. They have more expenses and no way to save for their old age.
“In Russia, decadent moods and extremes prevail. Either I am working, active, interesting to others, or no one needs me – I went to die. We are afraid of old age,” says the psychotherapist.
Often, caring for the elderly comes down to standard functionality: feed, wash, clothe. But is that all they need?
And it is not customary for us to delegate care of old parents to others. They will be torn apart between work and caring for the old man, forgetting about their own lives. This is a cultural code brought up in more than one generation. The social institution of support for old age is not developing either on the part of the state or on the part of private structures.
“What do you associate with the words “nursing home”? Bedsores, weakness, degradation, poverty, abandonment, meaninglessness. And also loneliness. In our country, nursing homes are institutions that are either deprived of the attention of the state, with low funding, or accepting old people at a price that is beyond the reach of most Russians. The maximum that we can afford is to hire a nurse for our parents, and then when it’s already very tight, ”says Stanislav Malanin.
Often, caring for the elderly comes down to standard functionality: feed, wash, clothe. But is that all they need? Will this alone keep them in a state of active life and maintain the desire to live?
Loneliness threatens health and life
Presented in 2017 at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association, the results of two meta-analyses showed that loneliness can pose a more serious threat to human health than obesity, and even rivals smoking in terms of harmfulness. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Professor of Psychology at Brigham Young University, introduced these findings to her colleagues.
The first of two meta-analyses included 148 studies and data from more than 300 participants. He found a 50% reduction in the risk of early death among people with more social interaction. The second analysis included data from 3,4 million people from 70 studies and found the impact of social isolation and loneliness on mortality. These criteria increased risk to similar or greater levels than obesity. Researchers are convinced that loneliness leads to sleep disturbances, increased levels of stress hormones, and a worsening of the immune system. Any of these factors threatens a greater risk of disease and mortality.
Holt-Lunstad believes the risk can be prevented by helping the elderly lead a more active and socialized lifestyle. Instead of scrolling through social media, older people can bet on participating in social clubs or scheduling meetings with neighbors, she said. Physicians can also play a role in educating older patients about the risks of loneliness and how to deal with its consequences.
In some cases, countries that are facing an epidemic of loneliness (not only in Russia) are taking steps to make people feel less lonely. In England, there is a hotline for the elderly, where they can call and talk about anything and as much as they want.
As long as an elderly couple lives together, the partners are not alone. But as soon as one of them leaves this world, the second one quickly “deflates”
“There is another interesting program in Britain called Befriending. It includes special classes, getting a dog or cat, volunteer work, one-on-one communication with a volunteer who regularly meets with a lonely person,” says Stanislav Malanin. “First results showed a modest improvement in depression and anxiety scores.”
An experiment was conducted to eliminate loneliness in people of the third age in Russia. The experimental base of the study was the Social Service Centers of the Oktyabrsky, Leninsky and Sovetsky districts of the city of Tambov. At various stages, 172 people took part in the pilot study. The author’s program to support the elderly “Golden Age” was developed and a club of the same name was created. The program was designed for 36 lessons, was held for 4 months, meetings were held once a week. The participants of the experiment were engaged in various activities – from holding literary evenings to staging performances. And, according to the author of the scientific study, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences Olesya Pachina, as a result of the diagnostic methods, the following results were obtained: the subjects had an increased level of satisfaction with life, the ability to establish close emotional contacts with people, goals appeared in life, increased activity, natural behavior.
In many European countries, such a service as a visiting friend is common. In former times in Russia it was called “companion”. This is a person who comes at certain hours, talks, walks, plays some games, can help buy something, can also provide medical services – give a massage or an injection.
This service is in great demand in Russia. We really have a lot of lonely old people, even if they have relatives. As long as an elderly couple lives together, the partners are not alone. But as soon as one of them leaves this world, the second one quickly “deflates”. Rarely an elderly person manages to restore social activity. Therefore, it is important for loved ones to support the elderly. But is it possible to fill the loneliness of another if he himself does not strive for this?
Live communication is the key to defeating loneliness
“I often work with the elderly. As a rule, at the first meeting they are wary, looking closely, at the second they are already starting to open up. And on the fourth or fifth, I already become the one to whom they can tell and trust anything, ”the psychotherapist shares.
The regularity and guarantee of the meeting is important here. Even the most lonely person can be gradually brought out of social isolation. It’s a matter of habit, the expert believes. “A habit takes 10 days to form. In order for it to be standardized, to be developed by itself, another 20 days are needed. The full cycle of developing a new habit is 40 days. What does it mean? For example, you visit your elderly mother on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Subconsciously, an elderly woman will try to occupy the gaps between meetings with something so that the day of the visit comes sooner. She will look forward to these meetings.
After 40 days, she will learn to occupy herself without your participation. But it is very important to follow this routine. Only then will the old man’s life acquire structure, meaning and vision of the future. But this is precisely what many older people do not have. If it is not possible to come three times a week, you can arrange to alternate visits with calls. This will also be live communication.
Broken social ties need to be restored. No old friends? Find new people within the power of a person at any age
What can you do while visiting? Be for someone else. Do not teach him about life, do not scold him for being weak and wanting nothing, but simply being there – a listener, an entertainment partner, a sympathetic friend. Those who respond to his emotional state, who respond to the thirst to be heard.
Can an elderly person help himself in the fight against loneliness? Yes, quite, the psychotherapist considers. “The easiest option is to remember what you liked doing the most. For everyone, this is something different – someone likes to walk, someone likes to sit on a bench and watch passers-by, someone likes to play checkers. You need to remember those feelings and repeat them, if not in the same lesson, then in a close one. You loved to go to nature, but now there is no such opportunity? Then you can go for a walk in the park.
And still need to restore broken social ties. No old friends? Find new people within the power of a person at any age. To meet someone in the same park, to talk in a museum, or to find a club of interest – chess clubs still operate in the same parks. You can sit down and watch or participate. Children and grandchildren will help find places for new hobbies. They will be more happy to take grandparents to a meeting of felting or drawing lovers than to the next doctor or pharmacy.