In our efforts to raise our children to be successful, we often lose sight of the fact that our efforts can damage their mental and emotional health. How to teach a child to control emotions and why do it?
Fifth grader Sammy was given a big project to take home. The teacher asked the children to prepare a presentation about which college they were going to attend. It was necessary to indicate the main specialty, the reasons for choosing this particular educational institution, the requirements for admission, the price of education and any other details that emphasize the uniqueness of the chosen college. This task caused Sammy a lot of stress, when he came home, he burst into tears.
His mom was furious. Sammy’s life goals were to eat as many sweet cookies as possible at a time, pass the next level in his favorite computer game, build a fortress from Lego above himself and defeat his brother in the next wrestling match. It was absurd to even suggest that at this age he might know which college he would like to choose, or even think about this topic, this is normal.
Schools often teach children how to answer standardized tests first, rather than developing creativity. Points are valued over critical thinking ability, and academic performance is considered more important than psychological stability. As a result, children do not learn basic social skills, panic in stressful situations, want to immediately get everything they want and achieve success immediately and without any difficulty. Growing up, they turn into emotionally undeveloped adults, behaving like teenagers.
But this can be changed. Parents should be more concerned not with homework, but with emotional development. By teaching children to control their emotions, they will help them resist bullying attempts, control anger, not be afraid of communication, maintain high self-esteem, and be confident in themselves.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is one of the best ways to develop emotional skills.
1. Learn to absorb positive emotions. On the Internet, you can find charts showing the ranges of emotions, which shows which facial expression corresponds to which emotion — this will help children better learn to notice and understand other people’s experiences.
By learning to recognize the feelings of others, the child will be able to understand their emotional range and “absorb” the positive emotions of others.
2. Become a master. By encouraging children to participate in activities they particularly enjoy, we help build relevant skills and self-confidence. There are many examples of activities — cooking, designers, games with dressing up, singing, sports, any kind of art. Activities that require face-to-face communication or teamwork are especially useful, they contribute to the development of social skills. All this protects against future depression, feelings of hopelessness and insignificance.
3. Build resistance to stress. By teaching children early on how to deal with future stressful situations, we equip them with the tools they need to overcome life’s challenges. Think of it like training before a match. If a child learns deep breathing and relaxation techniques before they experience severe anxiety for the first time, they are more likely to be able to cope with it. Perhaps not perfect, but experience will help to learn lessons.
4. Take care of your health. The habit of taking care of health is laid down in childhood: periodic check-ups with doctors, treatment, regular physical activity, proper rest. Unfortunately, too many parents load their children with useless activities, contributing to overwork of the growing body. For normal growth and development, in addition to good nutrition, sufficient rest is needed.
5. Protect yourself from diseases. When a child’s body is constantly stressed, it becomes more vulnerable to infections. Schools often become a breeding ground for viruses and bacteria, it is important to keep the house clean and teach the child the rules of personal hygiene: wash your hands regularly and do not put your fingers in your mouth.
6. Eat healthy food. Most children regularly eat fast food and sweets. Their excess in the diet is fraught with negative health consequences. By explaining to the child the importance of a healthy diet, we lay the foundation for a healthy lifestyle in the future. An unhealthy diet can lead to emotional instability and adversely affect brain development. Sometimes a child’s violent emotional reactions are caused by food allergies.
7. Maintain a healthy sleep pattern. This is the most important point. Sleep needs can vary from child to child, you need to know how many hours your child needs to get a good night’s sleep. Lack of sleep interferes with clear thinking. Because of this, for example, he may be mistakenly diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Lack of sleep does not allow the brain to fully rest, which is necessary during a period of intensive development.
8. Avoid bad habits and intoxicating substances. This is not only about caffeine, drugs, alcohol and sugar, the list will have to include computer games. There is nothing wrong with moderate passion for them, but it can develop into addiction, in which changes occur at the brain level and negative emotional reactions intensify: anxiety, anger, rage.
Limit playing time to no more than 20 minutes in a row, followed by a 10-minute break. In 10 minutes, the eyes will have time to rest a bit, and the child will be distracted and remember the world outside the game.
9. Be physically active. It is important for a growing body to constantly train gross and fine motor skills and develop all the senses. Sports, walking, reading, music, yoga help the child to be less tired and better control emotions. By spending time outdoors, he takes a break from the overload caused by the constant use of electronic devices.
Sammy’s mom filed a complaint with the school about inappropriate homework and offered an alternative: teaching children to deal with stress and anxiety during exams and tests. This will do more good than trying to decide which college they are going to go to in 8 years.