If a man feels that he has stopped making a woman happy, then even continuing to love her, he begins to move away. A vicious circle arises: she is offended and expects decisive steps from him, he stops fighting for the relationship. How to get out of the crisis?
Martha recalls how, at the very beginning of the relationship, her future husband sent her a song. There was a confession in her: the worst thing is to let down the woman you love. “I realized that he shared this for a reason,” she says. “It was the kind of man I could rely on that he wanted to be. It gave me a sense of security. It seemed that he would never let me down, would not hurt me.
So it was until the couple had a second child and they moved to another city, where Martha’s husband could not find a job for a long time. The realization that he was not coping with his duties undermined his self-confidence. Martha recalls that her husband turned into a man full of sarcasm, despondency and selfishness: “Sometimes it seems to me that the one I knew and loved simply disappeared and a stranger lives with me instead.”
What advice could I give her? Put forward an ultimatum to her husband, establish new rules for living together? Get a divorce? Martha was no longer proud of her husband, however, if anything can help in this situation, it is a confirmation of her faith in him. This is precisely the way out of the trap that destroys alliances.
To understand this mechanism, let’s go back in time. At a time when he made a promise to you to be a friend, protector and support. A man by nature is a conqueror and is able to move forward if he feels that he is making his woman happy. This helps him stay masculine and feeds his love for her at the same time. The more you let your loved one know how much you appreciate him, the stronger his feeling for you will be.
Your task is not to make claims and not to patronize a man, but to revive the inner hero in him
However, life can present trials for which a man is not ready. He understands that he is deceiving the expectations of the woman he loves, and does the worst — he begins to move away from her. If the situation drags on, the thought gradually grows stronger in him: “Perhaps without me she would be happier.” He thinks he is not worthy of her love. A man closes in on himself, while a woman expects decisive steps from him.
He is less and less eager to look for a way out of the crisis, because he is sure that it is too late to change anything. The woman takes this as a sign that he no longer loves her — and this despite the fact that both parties are still dear to each other. They just do not understand the needs and the language of love that a partner is now able to respond to.
The pain and resentment of a woman takes the form of accusations, hurtful words or defiant silence, and this only aggravates the situation, the only way out of which is parting. However, an increased manifestation of sympathy in a difficult period for a man can be perceived by him as pity.
Your task is not to make claims and not to patronize a man, but to revive the inner hero in him. Now it is important for him to feel that you are still proud of him and highly appreciate him as a man. Remember: your partner’s behavior at the moment is only a reaction to stress and fear that he is losing you. Help him to believe that he is still your hero. Remind him of success more often, remember everything that makes you proud of him, and tell him about it. Don’t skimp on words. If he stumbled, let him know: you have not lost faith in him.