Has an inner voice ever told you what terrible mistakes you made while raising your children? That you are useless, too strict, too soft, interfering too much in their lives, not interested enough in it, working too hard, buying too much — that’s one of those things. Now I will list the parenting mistakes that you, in principle, can make. Hold on, let’s go.
Perhaps you are one of those who are far from the life of children, despite the best intentions. «Lessons? Can’t you see I’m talking on the phone?» You have told yourself more than once that you are nurturing independence in them. Maybe so, but at the same time they will feel unloved and unhappy.
Perhaps you are one of the authoritarian parents who yell, scold and punish — of course, for the cause. You are sure that your task is to teach them to distinguish good from bad and prepare them for life. “How can you think about hanging out with your friends when your homework isn’t done? If I hear that again, I’ll take your phone away for a week.” It is possible that you allow children a lot, are ready to listen and help, but it is difficult for you to maintain discipline. «Of course you can go for a walk, but don’t forget to do your homework, right, dear?»; “Oh, you didn’t have time to make them because you were late in training? Try not to do that again.» Perhaps you happen to recognize yourself in «helicopters» — this is the name of parents who have gone even further in their worries. “Do you have a presentation to make in the morning? Let me look. I’m reading a great book about it.»
If you’ve ever taken cheese out of a cheeseburger, or put a GPS tracking system on your 16-year-old son’s phone, you might want to dig deeper into the subject. You can also be a «tigress» — this is the style of Chinese parents living in Western countries. Children of «tigresses» are prohibited from playing computer games, gatherings in cafes and other useless activities. They must study hard and also improve in painting or music.
But this strategy does not always bear fruit, despite incredible efforts.
You probably recognized yourself in one of these portraits, saw your shortcomings. So how should it be? The first step is to recognize that everything that has happened has already happened. Try to do better in the future and forgive yourself in advance for any mistakes that you do make. Adhere to a parenting style that combines responsiveness and warmth with exactingness and clear boundaries. If, in addition, you understand what exactly contributes to the well-being of the child, then it is quite possible to consider that you have mastered “positive parenting”.