Trust, mutual understanding, willingness to resolve conflicts — all these qualities will be very useful for those who need to build a long and lasting alliance with another person. But the most important thing for a couple is to maintain a constant open dialogue and discuss everything that worries each of the partners.
Even the strongest and most mutual affection is tested. At the very least, the test of time… In the beginning, we feel attraction and passion. We want to get to know a partner, to be closer. Each meeting, touch causes a storm of emotions. We are pleased and anxious at the same time. There is not yet love between us, but its embryo, embryo!
Over time, love matures. We all get to know each other better. We anticipate the reactions of the partner, stop shuddering from touching. Passion is replaced by security, and intimacy brings more trust and depth.
Over the years, the feeling becomes even more mature. Mature and familiar. We surprise each other less. Ordinary and boredom settles next to security. Desire and passion may disappear. Is it forever? We are closer and at the same time further apart. It’s like we’re missing something and can’t find it again.
I remember clients who at this stage chose treason. They solved the problem of a lack of strong feelings not with a partner, but with someone else. But in doing so, they destroyed something valuable in their lives. And often they remain unhappy. Only now — because of the feeling of guilt and the meaninglessness of what is happening.
But I also saw spouses who, after many years of marriage, remained interesting and desirable for each other. How did they do it and is there a universal recipe? Unlikely. But I think there is a vector: honesty. Partners who remain themselves, are not afraid to be real and vulnerable in some way, are able to fall in love with each other again!
A year ago, I met a married couple — both 45, together for more than twenty years, and the air between them sparkled as if they met only yesterday! What is their secret? All these years, every Friday, they sat down at the table and discussed everything that caused anxiety. “I’m angry with you”, “I don’t like your new acquaintance”, “Sex is no longer happy as before”, “I don’t have enough freedom, and you? ..”
Every day they made a decision not to turn a blind eye to what was happening between them, not to let the relationship take its course. They did not hush up problems and solved them together. Wherever they were, they found time and energy for dialogue. I don’t think it was easy to stick to this tradition all these years. But they chose this path! Question: which one shall we choose?