Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Pavel Durov — these names have already entered the history of mankind. What drives them — «naked» altruism or healthy egoism? Which of these qualities actually help to go against the standard scenarios and make revolutionary discoveries?
Being selfish is bad! Isn’t that what parents and school have taught us since childhood? There is an opinion in Russian society that egoists are closed people who put their own interests first and die all alone.
Neither parents nor teachers were wrong. The world has just changed since then. Previously, to succeed, you had to become a cog in the system. Now, be selfish. In the XNUMXst century, healthy egoism has become a natural way of self-realization.
An egoist is a person who first of all acts on the basis of his own priorities, and then thinks about others. If a person puts in place exclusively other people’s interests, then a priori he will never be happy.
Egoism can be conscious, that is, satisfied, and unconscious — repressed. Conscious selfishness is when Elon Musk is going to create a colony on Mars at the call of his soul, inviting those who wish to participate in his project with attention or money. That is, a person realizes his dream at his own expense, while not encroaching on the freedom, borders, finances of other people. This is healthy selfishness.
Unlike the unconscious, the conscious egoist speaks concretely and acts directly.
Unconscious egoism — when a person allegedly (!) Acts and lives for the sake of others … But he does it solely from selfish «survival» motives — he just waits to be loved, approved, praised for this.
Due to built-in negative beliefs and the inability to get rid of them, he is forced for half his life, and sometimes for the rest of his life, to go his own way, think not his own thoughts, but adapt, calibrate and survive. This can be called unhealthy selfishness.
Unlike the unconscious, the conscious egoist speaks specifically and acts directly and logically. If he gives a gift, then in order to enjoy the reaction himself. If he comes to a child’s matinee, then to experience pride, and not because it is “accepted and correct”, and not because he is a “good” friend, son, partner or father.
A healthy egoist spends energy on his own business, desires, dreams and crazy projects. The rest burn their «fuel» to maintain the image of a «good» person. For the first, security is to be yourself and do what he wants, for all others — to adapt, endure and do what is expected of them.
Both of these polar strategies, like many others, are laid in the human mind in the first years of life. Until the age of six, a child simply does not have critical thinking. Everything that he hears in his address, all the reactions of his parents to stresses and difficulties, everyday situations and joyful events, are imprinted in his mind like a map. The arrow of his «navigator» at a conscious age will move along it.
In some situations, the mother’s voice will “lead”: “You can’t cope, what do you think about yourself?”, In others, dad’s: “Don’t stick out, be quiet, don’t interfere!”
Psychotrauma is caused to a child both by a direct emotional impact on the part of an authoritative figure, and by a conditional one — when the child is brought up by emotionally and psychologically immature parents, for whom the world is full of threats. They themselves are afraid of everything and pronounce their fears in his presence.
Such children, who are in the majority, grow up to be comfortable people and form a good society: they work hard, do not ask for much, are happy with praise.
However, there are others. Thanks to their revolutionary discoveries, today we have the opportunity to instantly contact anyone on the other side of the globe, chat in social networks, use smartphones and convenient applications. We drive stylish electric cars and are about to witness the colonization of Mars by earthlings, for which we must say thanks to the healthy selfishness of the inventors.
It is important to understand that these healthy egoists are the same people as everyone else. They may have psychological trauma and negative beliefs, but most likely they are able to cope with their internal processes and sublimate them into creativity and development.
The parents of Pavel Durov, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk may also have wanted their children to graduate from university, go to work as economists, take out a mortgage and have two children. Because it’s so “stable” and not scary — first of all for parents. But the technological heroes of our time did what they were sincerely interested in, fulfilled their dream.
These people went their own way. And as a result, we got a non-standard result. As well as fame, money and the opportunity not only to change the world, creating something new, but also to help thousands of other people earn money and, accordingly, “survive”.
Psychologists call this «passed separation from parents and a true adult position.» And the adult position is just about healthy egoism. As in an airplane: in an emergency, you need to put on an oxygen mask first on yourself, and then on the child.
An adult position is simple and logical, but difficult to implement in the realities of modern society. The whole world knows these innovators by name — there are only five or ten of them. And many thousands are quietly sitting in offices waiting for their finest hour. Therein lies the clue.
What kind of person is waiting for a miracle? Who hopes that someone stronger and smarter will notice and appreciate? Who believes that he is not capable enough, that he is not ready and that he needs something more to succeed? «Child».
Wounded and in need of support from older children, who hopes for the love and recognition of their parents. All this creates a deficit in a person, deprives support in a crisis situation and the ability to think logically. When you rely on the opinions of others, you are not an adult, much less an egoist.
Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Pavel Durov created what they created thanks to an incredible desire to do it and thousands of hours spent. They didn’t waste time digging potatoes in their parent’s garden. Were not comfortable sons/husbands/members of society. They did not seek to please, did not achieve their goals for the sake of someone else’s approval, were not ashamed and did not blame themselves in case of failures and mistakes.
They live this way because they have mature inner boundaries. These are values, and priorities, and the need to do what you want, and not what is expected of you. Only a healthy egoist can move forward along the path of life in this way.
His boundaries are formed, he understands his capabilities and decides how to spend his energy and what he wants to receive in return for the investments made. Knows how to replenish the expended energy in order to move on. A healthy egoist lives by his own rules and interests, he does not depend on the opinions of other people.
Healthy egoism implies total responsibility for every step you take.
A person who acts only «for people» is driven by the logic of trauma, not personal common sense. It is difficult for him to make decisions in accordance with his desires. Often he does not even understand what he wants. As a result, he constantly makes excuses, considers himself worse than others, seeks permission for the right to live and realize himself.
All this takes a lot of time, mental and physical strength.
This person is busy digging deeper and tamping down the layers of his traumatic experience, while leaving no place and strength for creativity and the opportunity to tell the world about his idea. He does not live, but survives.
If you look at the other side of the life of «selfish» inventors, you can see that they know how to «give away.» They spend part of their income on charity, establish projects that allow hundreds of thousands of people to realize themselves.
Only a healthy egoist who has already created resources for himself and lives by inspiration is able to share. Otherwise, this is a professional «rescue» that comes from the desire to receive attention and approval.
Healthy selfishness does not arise by itself. This is always a long and difficult work on oneself, a willingness to make difficult choices and be responsible for the consequences of one’s decisions. A person does not wait for someone else to do his job. Healthy egoism implies total responsibility for every step, every idea, every action.
Only a real leader is capable of this — a person who once said and defended his “no” at school. And now, years later, the whole world says yes to him.