Head of family

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I would like to start with a quote from V.N. Druzhinin, the author of the book “Psychology of the Family”: “From the point of view of M. Mead, a family is normal, where the father is responsible for the family as a whole. All other types of families where this rule is not followed can be considered abnormal ”(V.N. Druzhinin. Psychology of the family: 3rd ed., — St. Petersburg: Peter, 2006. p.12).

There are families where the head of the family has to be a woman — but this rarely pleases the woman herself. Many modern women who are not lucky enough to meet a strong and loving man in their lives strive for partnerships on an equal footing in the family, but soon they are faced with the fact that equality is not promised to them there, and issues are very difficult to resolve …

It is a pity that now in most Russian families there is somehow no “head of the family”. The head of the family has now remained, it seems, only with the Old Believers and in Muslim families, and disagreements are resolved much easier there. Three simple rules are enough: «Ask your husband», «Do as your husband said» and «Watch yourself, be careful.» And the family is in perfect order.

The head of the family is simple and reasonable. If we imagine a family as a small enterprise, a company, then the head of the family, the husband, is the director. And the wife is the owner of this enterprise. This is a person who selects the director of the company, sets him tasks, pays him a salary and asks for the fulfillment of the tasks set. Accordingly, the task of the wife is to choose the right husband who will keep the steering wheel of the family in the right direction and make the right decisions. The old saying “the husband is the head of the family, and the wife is the neck: where the neck turns, the head looks there!” — this proverb is wise. The role of a man in the family is the role of a leader, more precisely, a clear leader. And the role of a woman is the role of a hidden leader. The wife, as a hidden leader, directs her husband’s attention to the tasks facing the family and suggests the general direction of the solution. The husband, as the head of the family, considers everything, makes a decision and ensures its implementation. After that, the wife admires her husband: she pays him a salary. And just as with the well-established work of the enterprise, the director is not the most prominent figure, so with well-established relations in the family, most issues are resolved without involving the head of the family, in a natural way.

The wife is in charge of shopping and the kitchen, the husband is in charge of finances, cars, cottages and repairs. If the main areas and functions are distributed and everyone successfully solves problems in their own area, then the head of the family is not in great demand, everything happens without his intervention. Everything is clear to everyone, in regular situations the head of the family is not needed. And in difficult and regular situations, the head of the family is necessary.

​​​​​​​Requirements for the head of the family — competence, leadership skills, the presence of levers of power and worldly wisdom. Unfortunately, we have to admit that few men are serious about the role of the real head of the family. Those who wish are not few, but those who are capable of this, ready and able to do it, are much less. On the other hand, the retinue makes the king, and the head of the family is largely formed by a woman who is ready to recognize the power of a man over herself. Unfortunately, the situation here is no better: women complain that there are no real men, and at the same time they do not want someone to lead them. At the same time, it is important to take into account: a real man will tie himself with family ties only to that woman who knows how to obey. If a woman does not know how to obey and is not ready to recognize a man as the head of the family, a real man in the role of a husband does not shine for her — never.

Without options.

In a problem family, where the issue of power in the family has not been resolved, the head of the family is usually absent or is only a nominal figure. In a healthy, high-quality family, there is a head of the family, and usually it is the husband. The main functions of the head of the family:

• Establish clear family rules. Women are not very inclined to invent and formulate rules, at least in an explicit, direct and definite way. Women are more inclined to create traditions, but clear language is not very feminine. But it is usually easier for men, men are usually more inclined to clear formulations of rules.
  
• Compliance with family rules. Women often have moods, they are more often distracted, and they just have a lot of things and responsibilities in their family without it. Men are usually more methodical in this matter. The work of organizing the necessary discussions, bringing them to a result and monitoring the implementation of the agreements reached is also the work of the head of the family.
  
• Take responsibility for a single decision. Sometimes it is necessary to resolve issues authoritarianally, on which it is not possible to work out a common solution with all the sincere desire of the parties. If the issue is discussed and not resolved hour after hour, day after day, and it is not possible to agree, then it is wiser if the head of the family takes the decision. He will be responsible for the consequences of this decision.
• Solving difficult questions, which are difficult and which the wife herself does not want to decide: either it’s scary, the responsibility is too great, or the decision is unpopular and the wife doesn’t want to be substituted, or issues are resolved only by force, and this is not quite feminine. And the husband, as the head of the family — so let all these issues take over and solve. And again — let him be responsible for their decision.
• representative function: it is convenient and good to explain to children that dad needs to be obeyed, because he is the main one and everyone in the family obeys him. Similarly, difficult questions with relatives and parents can, when it seems convenient for the wife, also be transferred to the husband: “He is the head of the family, he decides!”.