Contents
Your 12-year-old daughter, after several years of music school, categorically refuses to study further. And the son had already given up swimming by the age of ten and is now shirking boxing, not even reaching the category. Parents are at a loss: to follow the lead of the child or to insist on continuing classes? Let the child find himself by changing hobbies, or teach him to persevere in achieving results, overcoming boredom and monotony?
Irina Mlodik, Gestalt therapist, author of several books, including A Book for Non-Ideal Parents, or Life on a Free Subject (Genesis, 2015).
“Sending children to circles and sections, parents, as a rule, want to provide them with more opportunities for development,” explains Irina Mlodik. – But they often forget that additional classes are also a new place of social interaction: relationships with an adult other than a teacher or a parent, with a different children’s team. The unwillingness of the child to go there may be due to difficulties that he himself does not suspect. For example, he does not have contact with a coach, a teacher: he is too strict or, on the contrary, ignores the child. Or maybe it is difficult for him to build relationships with peers in a competitive environment. Or you took your child to a place where it is fashionable to study or where you would be pleased to study yourself. Perhaps he even wanted to skate or play the guitar himself, but then he realized that this was not what he dreamed of. So it happens with adults: if you don’t try, you won’t know. And of course, children often “rebel” simply from fatigue and heavy workload.
Pass the tests
- What are your life priorities?
Overcome resistance together
Once you figure out the cause, look for a way to fix it. Talk to the coach and decide if it’s worth changing. Support the child in a situation of comparison (“Yes, today someone is stronger than you, but tomorrow you will be better, and then someone else”, “When you study, not everything works out right away”). Develop an acceptable class schedule. If the child is not very busy and loves his dances, but sometimes whines that he is tired today and will not go anywhere, calmly explain: “Everyone has a reluctance to leave the house. But if you still overcome it and go out, then your favorite dances will cheer you up, and strength will immediately appear. “Children need us to help them figure out what is going wrong and give them a chance to overcome internal resistance,” the psychologist is convinced. “After all, children, like us, like to be successful. And we will help them become that way if we teach them how to cope with difficulties and choose what is right for them.”
Read more:
- Hobbies that make us smarter
Take a look at your hobbies
Mother and father sometimes tend to look at children as plasticine, from which something must be “sculpted”, “unearthed” talent, “discovered” abilities. But most often the child himself finds his talents and knowledge in the home environment, in the interests that parents live by. If adults are fascinated only by a TV or computer, then the child will show their inclinations. Think about what your life is filled with and what you yourself are absorbed in, and in children your enthusiasm will respond in one way or another.