Even if this happened for the first time, one should not belittle the significance of such an act and console oneself with the thought that everything will pass with age. But picking up the stolen thing with the words “Never do that again” means pushing the child to do it again, child psychotherapist Tatyana Gavrilova warns.
Younger students take what they really want to have at the moment: chewing gum, a beautiful eraser or a bright pencil. And also what they collect: surprise egg toys, liners, stickers. For teenagers 11-13 years old, stealing something at school or a store means showing their peers their courage, and older ones — independence and neglect. A girl can steal a nail polish that she didn’t even like very much, a boy secretly takes music discs out of the supermarket, not paying attention to their contents. At school, younger teenagers can take some thing from a classmate to teach him a lesson — for being helpful to the teacher, studying better or just not like everyone else.
Most often, this is a spontaneous act, and not a prudent theft for mercantile reasons. Younger students are not yet able to foresee the consequences of their actions, they do not understand the moral meaning of the norm. They do not know how to take the position of another, to imagine his experiences when he is deprived of things. Adolescents at the age of 11–13 have developed feelings of shame and guilt, but it is still difficult for them to control their behavior. That is why theft is always accompanied by a lie. Children know that they will be judged, but the desire to possess is stronger than the fear of parental anger. With the help of lies, they hope to avoid punishment.
Even if the schoolboy stole for the first time, one should not belittle the significance of such an act and console oneself with the thought that everything will pass with age. But to pick up the stolen thing with the words “Never do that again” means to push him to do it again. Pull yourself together — do not shout, do not threaten the police. Find out why he did it. Ideally, he should return the stolen item to the store (or a classmate) (or refund its cost) and apologize. If the child is small, go with him, but let him return the item himself. It is important that the child not only feels shame, but has a chance to correct his act. And do not hang labels: the student took someone else’s, but he is not a thief. If the offense is repeated repeatedly, this is a serious reason to think about what is happening in the soul of the child, in his relationships with peers or in your family life.