A teenager often subtly resembles his father or mother, and this annoys parents who live separately. “This happens because the former partners never managed to end their relationship with each other,” says child psychologist Irina Mlodik.
“Many growing children are strikingly similar to their parents: the son wears the same hairstyle and listens to the same music as the father, and the daughter, in a special way, tucks her legs under her and laughs like a mother. Such similarity sometimes makes parents relive the best moments of their former love, and sometimes resentment and guilt. This similarity is especially acutely perceived by partners, between whom, after parting, there is a conflict and misunderstanding. Feelings of pain and irritation provoke emotional breakdowns, offensive remarks: “For you, there is nothing but football, all in your father!”, “You are the same spender as your mother.”
It is difficult to live, feeling like a «traitor father» or «unlucky mother»: you have not done anything yet, and they expect behavior from you, perhaps completely unusual for you. No matter how the relationship develops between the parents, it is important to maintain a positive image of each other in the eyes of the child, and for this it is enough to abandon mutual negative assessments and even just comments. This will allow the child to grow up not for who he looks like, but for who he really is. This is difficult to do if the relationship after parting remained incomplete.
Try to meet with your ex-husband (wife) and say something that you didn’t have the strength or courage to do before. If a meeting isn’t possible, write a detailed letter… which doesn’t have to be sent. By writing down or expressing the feelings that are corroding you, you can free yourself from them, see your relationship from a different angle, and begin to live in the present. Perhaps then it will be easier for you to understand the former partner and accept the child, so similar to him.