Parents are afraid of the rudeness of teenagers. “Foul language, like rudeness, is a weapon of those who are unsure of themselves,” explains child psychologist Marina Kravtsova*. “Try to hear the child and maintain a dialogue with him.”
“Indecent words, strong language, insults coming from the lips of a teenager have nothing to do with such behavior of younger children. Preschoolers and younger students experiment with swear words, they are attracted by the emotional expressiveness and prohibition of profanity. Teenagers are well aware of what words mean and how much they can hurt another. Rudeness allows them to hide their own vulnerability and protects them: to discover weakness and insecurity at this age is tantamount to a teenager’s complete defeat. In addition, high school students try to hurt their parents with swear words, shock them, piss them off in order to measure their power over them and confirm their own emotional independence from them. This is especially true for adolescents from families where excessive attention is paid to issues of decency and good manners, where the child is overprotected, a certain style of behavior is imposed on him or his friends, hobbies, interests are not approved. Finally, strong language and deliberate cynicism in relationships with loved ones can overcome the feeling of awkwardness. For example, excessive tenderness on the part of relatives confuses a teenager, awakens in him thoughts about the sexual connotation of such behavior, which is unacceptable in relations between mother and son, daughter and father. In this case, rudeness and aggression involuntarily create an insurmountable barrier between them (you must admit that it is difficult to be gentle with a boorish teenager). But, whatever the reasons behind the child’s behavior, parents should not allow themselves to be insulted. Their task is to draw a line between words and emotions in order to maintain a dialogue with a teenager. Do not respond with a shout for a shout, rudeness for rudeness, refuse to continue the conversation “in this tone”, offer to think about what is happening and return to the discussion later. And even more so, do not cross into someone else’s territory, using youth slang: the language of teenagers is not for adults. Your adult child may see this as a mockery or a form of mockery, and his reaction will be contempt.
Read more:
- Children’s profanity is not a reason to panic
* Author of the book “Outcast Children. Psychological work with the problem” (Genesis, 2004).