“He is not ready yet”: how parents help and prevent the child from playing sports

We talk a lot about the benefits of sports for children, in particular, for special children. It develops motor abilities and not only, it helps to move forward. Training increases academic performance, communication skills.

Indeed, its benefits are obvious to an adult. But not for a child. And who, if not a parent, can make this benefit concrete, voluminous, understandable? Everything is important: his attitude to the child’s activities, interest, desire to help.

Three people participate in the process of physical activity: the child himself, the specialist and the parent. What is the place of the latter in this team, especially when it comes to children with physical disabilities?

Give meaning to the learning process

For a child, the benefits of sports are abstract. It seems that he understands that he must bend over, do push-ups, raise his hands. But why would he do it? What does it mean: “Exercise, and you will have a straight back”?

But he feels quite specific pain and fatigue after training. There are other activities that he would like to devote time to – drawing, a computer, a walk. Parents are able to show the child what is the meaning of his physical activity. Show his consistency, interest, faith in him and in the coach.

A child, including a special one, is extremely dependent on adults. If a parent is interested in what difficulties arise, what is needed for classes, rejoices at achievements, this creates a healthy and productive climate in which the child feels the attention of an adult and is included in the process himself. And this process of playing sports – no matter what – becomes significant for him.

If the parent doubts the methods, in the intervals between trainings he speaks disrespectfully about how they are built, says that he does not understand anything about what is happening in the classroom, he himself does not realize their benefits, the child is saturated with this approach and also does not want to do anything .

Obstacles that hinder practice

1. Parents are not ready for difficulties

Sometimes a parent is simply not ready for the fact that his child will not be able to immediately complete all the tasks, do all the exercises. He sees that the child is distracted, does not follow the instructions of the coach, and concludes that this sport is not suitable. More often than not, it’s a mismatch between expectations and reality.

The parent is upset, lost, angry. Trying to do something about it. He starts to pull the child, to justify him, looks askance at the coach, opposes the child to other children. Criticizes the methodology, shows denial: “Everything is fine with us, but your classes do not help.”

When we do initial diagnostic training, a very large percentage of parents don’t come back after seeing that their child isn’t doing as well as others. Children are taken away and sent to where it is easy, where there is no need to work. But then where is the development, where is the crisis that makes us become better, develop, grow up, gain experience?

Parents should understand that comparisons are unproductive. We are not competing with each other, we are competing with ourselves.

2. Parents blame themselves

They are ashamed of the child, perceive his defeats as their own. They feel that they made a mistake, they didn’t do something. These feelings become decisive.

A parent, immersed in routine, in search of means of rehabilitation for a special child, and sometimes a means of subsistence, forgets about himself. In this case, instead of immediately quitting classes, you should seek support from a coach, a psychologist. Remind yourself: “If it wasn’t for me, there would be no classes, no rehabilitation, no sports at all.”

If parents, together with the coach, cope with feelings of guilt and shame, then progress will appear over time.

Parents need to understand what is happening with the child, why something is not working out for him yet, to discuss the technique of performing exercises, the mechanics of movements. Then, most likely, there will be nothing to blame yourself for. After all, classes, and especially rehabilitation, are not a podium, not the Olympic Games. It is a working, accepting environment in which children grow, make mistakes, and develop.

3. Parents are ashamed of the child

If a child behaves badly, is naughty, disrupts training, parents become ashamed of him. During training, it is especially noticeable whether an adult copes with this situation. Does the child think that the child is “spoiled”, that he is “miseducated”? Is he afraid of censure from the outside? Or is he trying to look for creative approaches to get his work spirit back?

I will give an example from my practice. During an online training, one girl began to quarrel with her grandmother on the air and eventually ran away to another room. Grandmother was upset, began to make excuses, said that, perhaps, they would not train anymore. To this, I suggested that the woman continue training without her granddaughter. She calmed down and realized for herself that the bad behavior of her granddaughter was just an isolated case.

It is extremely important for a child and for a parent to talk about their condition themselves and with a specialist, to name the reason why the training failed, not to leave it. Otherwise, the child concludes that you can sob, scream, and then there will be no classes.

How to keep your child’s interest

1. The parent is the external regulator of the child’s behavior

Cancellation of trainings, postponements, unjustified rewards are unproductive if they are imposed on an adult by a child. Parents can give in or get angry, scream, make comments. But by doing so, they only encourage manipulation. To cope, adults must manage the behavior of the child, wisely and calmly guide him. Stick to an even, neutral tone, knowing what will be done next. Stay consistent with your requirements. Do not deviate from the rules agreed with the coach and the child.

2. Parents and coach are one team

The coach and the parent must agree on the rules in the relationship of children. You can use tokens, stickers, promotions. In my practice, there was a case when I managed to cope with the demonstrative behavior of a boy by establishing the rule of three tokens. For the one who gets three tokens, the training ended. We came up with this method with our parents, determined that during the lesson you can’t show your tongue, play with your toys, chat. For each violation, the child received one token. The boy began to show his tongue again, received the first warning. Then one more. But it didn’t come to the third. Therefore, the recommendation for parents: get involved in the process, joke, play.

3. Workouts should be fun for kids

If classes are boring, children will not attend them or will suffer, disrupt training. The task of both the parent and the coach is to interest, to add a game to the process. Parents should explore their footholds so that nothing can unsettle them. Listen to yourself, understand what emotions they experience, learn to support yourself. Finding out before training what and how, explaining what kind of child, what he can do, what he can’t – this will help the parent become more confident and infect his child with confidence and desire to engage.