The body of a teenager is changing rapidly, and this can lead to confusion, recalls child psychotherapist Tatyana Bednik. For him, this is a period of exciting discoveries and acute experiences, and parents need to treat them especially delicately.
Tatyana Bednik, developmental psychologist, author of the training “Effective interaction of parents with children.”
“Growing breasts, hairs in intimate places – the first signs of puberty cause a dual reaction in adolescents. It’s a paradox, but our children, trying with all their might to prove their adulthood, are often frightened by these changes. Mustaches in boys, rounded shapes in girls seem to confirm that a return to childhood is impossible – and this causes confusion. In addition, they have to master the new body as part of themselves, their “I”, and get comfortable with the awakening sexual desire. At the same time, teenagers are excited to discover their own new growth: now they can literally look down on authoritative parents and feel closer to the previously inaccessible world of adults. They are pleased and at the same time embarrassed by the new, evaluating views of strangers. The gap between the physiological and mental maturity of teenagers is too large. The first signs of puberty increasingly appear as early as 8–12 years of age, and children often enter adolescence without being mentally prepared for it. To support the child, parents should show maximum delicacy. Avoid loud compliments on the new forms of the daughter, do not make fun of the breaking voice of the son. Answer any questions they have, but don’t interfere with their sexual development by trying to be “best girlfriend” or “friend” and figuring out dating details.
Respect your teen’s desire to keep their distance. He no longer wants, as in early childhood, to “marry his mother,” but now he has other, bolder erotic fantasies. A teenager can cope with them in only one way: to minimize bodily contact with his parents. The period of “calf tenderness” for him is over until he finds a new object of affection – his peer or peer. There is no need to rush things, for example, putting a condom in his bag. Although the average age at onset of puberty has declined, the average age at first contact has remained the same at about 17 years. Often the sexual experiments of adolescents are realized only in their imagination. However, parents sometimes forget about this and sincerely believe that their child is already sexually active, although in fact he still does not know how to kiss.
About it
“Psychology of a teenager. Psycho-sexual development” Michel Kle
The Psychology of Adolescence and Youth by Philip Rice, Kim Doljin
Psychological bestsellers will help to understand those aspects of a child’s sexuality (from birth to adolescence) that parents do not notice or unwittingly ignore (Pedagogy, 1991; Peter, 2010).